Permission to Heal

Permission to Heal Episode #40 - A Conversation with Regina Powers - Integrative Family Nurse Practitioner, Author, Healer

August 11, 2021 Marci Brockmann
Permission to Heal
Permission to Heal Episode #40 - A Conversation with Regina Powers - Integrative Family Nurse Practitioner, Author, Healer
Show Notes Transcript

“We’re all trying to incarnate ourselves. Where we come into ourselves fully.” 

Regina walks us through the basics of the 5 Elements of traditional Chinese medicine and the healing power of nature to help us find balance within ourselves. 

We talked of the beauty, peacefulness, and unexpectedness of the deaths of loved ones – grief, laughter, tears, memories, circles of love… just left surrounded by love

 “We are all in that circle of life and of death. You know, we're always living, dying, and birthing ourselves. the evolution of nature is to die and come back.”

“Once you put the intention out it comes forward, so anybody who wants to open to this path, it's really just a matter of setting that as your intention and it will happen.”

November 2021 - Holistic International Conference - virtual conference. Regina will be sharing the elements in a more experiential fashion so you'll be able to heal through the whole experience.

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Welcome, Regina, how are you today? I'm doing great. Thank you for having me Marcy. So I was so excited. I read your book.

I think your publicist sent it to me and I got your card in a whole thing. And I was so excited. The minute I got my hands on it and I started reading it. I booked you. I was like, have to have Regina there's. I had so many, I highlighted the book. I took it. I had so many aha moments. I wrote whole things on blank pages.

There was so much of this, that. Makes so much sense to me. I was like sharing this with my, my daughter's 20 and is going through her own mental health journey. And, and I kept like taking pictures of pages because she would be at work or she'd be somewhere else. I mean, she lives home now cause it's summer.

But and I'm like, you have to read this. This totally makes sense for you. Isn't this how you, so we've had a lot of these very excited, much more excited on my end and much more tolerant on her end. No, it's been, it's been wonderful. So, so let's just we'll do the six quick questions really quickly.

And then, and then we'll dive into talking about what color is your medicine cause and soul journeys and the whole, the whole thing. Cause I'm I, yeah, we need to. Okay. So six quick what six words would you use to describe yourself?  Compassion. Yeah. Soulful. Yes. Very present mindful unconscious that's for sure.

Yeah. And how many of you I have now five, six I've lost count. I don't know.  I would say I'm strong in a way that is not from the muscle of me. Yeah. Spiritual strength. Yeah. Very much. So faith based strengths, you know, I think universal stern, I would say universal strength and I'm very connected.

Yeah. Yeah. I, myself have always been before I knew what it was, have always been very attuned to. And sensitive to energy changes and shifts and very self-analytical and very aware of my relationships, conversations, whatever my interactions with everything else, inanimate adamant people, whatever animals, whatever, in a way that I thought everyone was.

And then I've realized not everyone is this awake, you know, and, and at times it's caused me a lot of anxiety and, you know, feeling like a square peg in a round hole and stuff, but that's another thing. All right, let's get to second question. What is your favorite way to spend a day?  I have you know, when I read your questions that you gave me, it's so funny because it really is in the day, in the morning.

Yeah. And anything that's outside, I'm good with. And there's something about me that gravitates always to be in nature. If I'm off, I'm not feeling connected or there's some part of me that knows I'm separated from some portion of me, I ended up in the woods. So I have a very. Specific places I'll go.

And there's one in Maria and I used to live in a, in a canyon and it was right after my dad passed and I was on that foot trail every day. And it was me and the trees and me and the water and me and the, if it rained, I had enough of a you know, an awning over the trees in the trail that I could still go out.

So anything that's really out there, nature yoga, we do park yoga. So we're in the Presidio doing yoga all through the pandemic. So very grateful for that group. We still go and we still do it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm very disconnected from nature. Lately with the whole hot flashes and menopausal thing. Like the weather's gotta be perfect or I can't be outside for too long.

Cause I'm just drenched, which is not so great. But I remember when I was in college, I went to college in upstate New York and every single day I would go walking or hiking through the Shawangunk mountains, which were like 10 minutes from where I went to school. And it was lovely. You know, I was not a mountain climber or a rough number or anything, you know, and there were plenty of people doing those things, but I just take a little walk and, you know, listen to the trees and, and then go back and it was fine, but I don't know.

And, you know, just that what you said, that's really all that's necessary. It's not about the aggressive, you know, I've done all those aggressive and, you know, I realize more and more. It's not that for me, it's just, I need to be connected to that. It's enough of that energetic, you know, playful piece that even menopausal I've done it.

I'm, I'm, I've been here, I'm in your category. Yeah. And it's enough to just receive that as if you think about the negative ions and what they do for us it's enough that it will help reset you. Even if it's just a little bit, you know, my backyard have a cup of tea and then go by, it's kind of enough, you know, number three, what is your favorite childhood memory?

I you know, it's interesting, my mom lives on the Cape still, and we went to the lower Cape. I don't know if you know, Cape Cod, but yeah. So as a kid, we summered in east town. And so I have like, you know, I would sing to the Bob whites, they had their certain, they had their certain ring and I would sing back.

And so I was forever involved in the natural world as just a very young kid. And the Cape has all beautiful memories of, you know, being at Cornell beach and in the sand dunes in province town, and the penny candy store, like all that is it, it brings back things instantly. The Mary Jane's it's so funny, like I would never, and I don't have any of that in my surroundings right here.

Yeah, sure. Yeah. Early this morning, I shouldn't say early this morning early for me, my summer schedule is I sleep just unconventional hours at this point in the summer. But my, I woke up this morning and my husband was rubbing my back and I was rubbing one of the cats. We have four cats. I was petting all the cats and it reminded me of fourth grade out of nowhere.

I've thought about this probably since fourth grade, we used to go outside for recess and all the other kids would be running around you whenever they were doing. And my little, little girlfriend group, we would all sit in a circle and rub each other's backs for the half hour that we were outside. So we would get nature and we would get touch and we'd all like help each other.

Relax. And we'd rub each other's backs in a little circle. Or would you play with each other's hay or something? I would've thought I don't even know who those girls are anymore. I have no recollection of who they were.  And it was before I started journaling, so I it's just gone. But the, the feeling of that thing that Essity of that circle was just I'd thought about that in 40 years in the circle.

Like there's so much in the sacredness of that. Yeah. Yeah. Hmm. Cool. That's beautiful. Thanks.  Number four, what's your favorite meal? That again is, is,

I'm always asking myself what don't I like, you know, I have friends that it's easier to figure out, right? Yeah. My, my friends asked me cause they had me over for dinner a lot and, and they're like, we're going to cook this tonight. And I'm like, oh, that's perfect. You know, it's I don't know what I wouldn't, but I love Tai.

I love, love seafood too. That's really an Indian. Those are like the three. I love Indian food, but it does not love it. Oh, okay. And sushi look at sushi, that's it? Yeah. I love sushi. I love my, my grandmother's matzah ball soup, which I've learned to replicate, so that's good. Oh, it's so funny. You just said replicate.

So my mom is from Ireland and she makes an Irish bread and it's not the Irish soda bread, not the white thing. I always say, because that's not my mom's bread. It's dark, it's full of raisins. And, and so I just replicated it with. As I've done this, you know, I've written, I've watched her do it. I've, you know, but I've been the person that brings back the bread, you know, the, and cut it up and deliver it to people.

And so they all want my mom's bread. And so she had been sick for the last six months. And so she, I said, mom, we got to do it. But this time I'm going to take notes. And through the whole experience, she's like, you know, it's a feel, there's three cups of sugar or, you know, this three quarter cup of sugar, but you know, let's give it another big heaping teaspoon.

So that was the whole time I'm doing it. So I have no real idea of how to replicate it, but I'm going to try, but I brought the bread back. So they it's her half her and half me meditate on it beforehand. And connect yourself with your ancestors. It'll come back. Yeah, I've been trying to do that with my mom, with my mom's brisket.

Oh. But she died with the recipe. So I don't really know exactly how and I have been now, like just researching this and making every single recipe that I find. And, and at this point I'm not a hundred percent sure if I'm remembering it correctly and I know it's been awhile. Right. And so even if I touched on it, I'm not sure you would resonate the same way, you know, but I found a lot of brisket recipes that I love.

So we're all good. But yeah, the nice thing is that I, I have given it to quite a few people, so they would be able to give me right upfront. You're not even close with Gina or that's. Okay. Right, right. That's good. And you still have your mom there to make it, and if she had to, she could ship it to you. You know, I'm grateful for her still being here, telling you a blessing.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And in this past year, we've lost a lot of people that we didn't think we were going to lose. So yeah, she lost her dear or best friend and three other people. Yeah. It's been it's hard. Yeah. I think grief has been something that we're not dealing with on a larger scale.

And I think that climate, yeah, the repercussions of that in the next few years, for sure. Well, I think it's already started, I think that the, the rate of anger and violence and is really from unfelt grief. Yeah. You know, we haven't really tapped into that depth of that. I, I truly believe that. That there's a lot of really deep wounds of sadness that we're walking with.

And so instead of feeling it right, we act out was people run away from their feelings or a good portion of them. Cause they don't, they're afraid of them and they don't know where they're going to lead them. And yeah. And so the anger is an easier expression. Yeah. And that's what I do believe because here in San Francisco, there's lots of violence and lots of just, I can't even describe it.

Like people are just breaking windows, not to take anything just to break them in cars randomly. Yeah. It's anger, anger, frustration. Yeah. I have a lot of that everywhere.

 Yeah, no, it's fine. And then we'll continue. What one piece of advice would you like to give your younger self? Yeah. So funny someone actually tattooed it on their arm. I, you know, my, my saying a lot of times is, you know, why don't we try easier? Or why don't you try easier? And the reason I say it is because most of the time I'm saying something to somebody, I have to take it in for myself.

And so really that would have been my best advice is for me to try easier. Don't make it so hard. Yeah. Or have to do it right. Or be perfect, or, you know, go back and replay it. How many times when, if I just did just from a place of just being, it would have been, I would have tried easier and never had to bring it up again.

Yeah. It makes so much sense in so many ways. Like I know, I know personally, I've, persiverated over the same emotion, the same feeling, the same thing and not. Addressed it head on out of fear or vulnerability or, you know, fear of abandonment or, you know, myriad of my own pathological things. And had, I just, you know, bitten the bullet and just been straightforward.

I could have circumvented like a decade of crap and the amount of energy. I think that's part of that. Right, right. In all of us. It's that, and that's my, that little kid that didn't need to, and just do it from a place of just doing it and then just letting it go. You, everything is so much easier in your body and your mind.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense. Makes sense. All right. What is one thing you would most like to change about the world? Yeah. Yeah. You know, like if I thought, you know, what I could provide people or to help people with, or that I could see is really for them to feel safe and feel loved. Because I think that in and of itself would provide people with not being so angry and not being so strong.

And when you feel safe, your emotional content really is more fluid. It's not as, uh, like staccato or that anxiousness or running from or avoiding. Yeah. Normally when I think about this question myself, I think about things that the world has that I want to get rid of. Like, my answer usually is to get rid of.

Because if you get rid of greed, you get rid of a whole lot of societal ills, but I love the way you answered this question because you wanted to add something and not remove something you want to add safety and love, which really circumvents the fear, the anger, the greed, the lust, the, the, the, all of that.

That's a beautiful thing.

Yeah. Awesome. Thank you. Okay. So we are talking because you wrote this amazing book. What color is your medicine? Enter the depths of your heart with the five elements of Chinese medicine. And it's really touched me because I've been on my own healing journey for quite a few years and have. Dappled in this a little bit in that I am a very big advocate of acupuncture, which has saved my physical self.

So many times and every Tuesday, in fact, after we talk, I have my weekly acupuncture session. And  a bunch of years ago, I had very acute plantar fasciitis and I went to a podiatrist cause I thought that's what you were supposed to do. And he gave me these extremely painful shots of something in the bottom of my feet and said that that should eliminate the pain for a few days or a week.

And it wasn't even 12 hours and the pain came back and then I went back to him and he kind of shrugged his shoulders. He's like they're really I, I don't know. And I don't know if he was just a crappy doctor or Western medicine really didn't have anything to offer plantar fasciitis, but then somebody suggested, or I might've suggested it to myself because of a previous thing.

But I went and I found an acupuncturist right in my town. I had one session and it was gone and it never came. Gone a hundred percent gone. Non-invasive no pain, less than an hour gone. I love that. I haven't had a way of finding its way into healing when we offer it open newness and right. You know, and not everyone will have the one session and it's gone it's.

Yeah. But that was a particularly, yeah. Yeah. But I think that's so beautiful cause that your body responded to that, that new you and I years before I had fallen at school and herniated, like in my cervical spine C4 and I couldn't lift my arms, it was not good. And I went and  I had taken a few weeks off from school because I couldn't lift my arms.

And I two, three times a week, I was going to an acupuncturist who is also a chiropractor. And she wasn't really doing so much as adjustments, but doing acupuncture on my neck and my shoulders and my back and whatever else she was aligning. And within a couple of weeks, the pain was gone. I had full range of motion on my arm.

So I I'm hooked, you know, beautiful trust I'm using now. Like he can tell when my gallbladder is off or when my bladder is, or I'm have too much heat or I have too much moisture in my head just by touching my wrists. And he looks at my tongue and he feels my feet and he's like, I know you don't even have to tell me.

Okay. Oh, that's so wonderful because yeah. And when you find that person on your healing team and they become part of you, they can read you as much, even sometimes deeper than we read ourselves. Exactly. Yeah. So take us all back. And if you would give us a little. Primmer a little explanation about the five elements of traditional Chinese medicine.

Like, can you walk us through that a little bit? Yeah, sure. So I do have to preface that I'm not a traditionally trained Chinese medicine practitioner, so I trained yeah. Western medicine and, and studied energy. And he is very interesting. You were an RN and then you became an NP, a nurse practitioner, and then we're just sort of drawn to all these different Eastern modalities along the way.

Yeah. And so when I it was before I studied with Barbara Brennan, which is a four year energy medicine school. I had stumbled into a Chinese medicine practitioner at an integrative conference. And his name is Dr. Steven on a U N G and the most amazing practitioner I have and have still to this day, come in contact with he at the conference.

And brought this five element sheet with all the colors of the elements, the, and it shares on each one of them, the yin and the yang organ system. Right. So with the earth element, it's the spleen and it's the in the stomach. And so when we think about that, It's the color yellow, but it also has to do with emotionally our empathy sympathy, one that is compassion and the stomach and the spleen.

If we think about this element of earth, which is the mother, the one of compassion, the one that feeds us, the one that nurtures us. And so you think of the stomach and how we digest our food, how we eat the way I started to look at the elements was in a very from a Western brain because I was trained as a nurse practitioner.

And when I went to this conference, it was because I had been gifted a session with a healer who did energy medicine. And he did what you were saying. He was pushing on my toes because I was crying so much opening up all my meridians. Yeah. And so I started to realize there's so much more than someone just putting their hands on me.

Like this has this as affects and all of my body system. But the one caveat that I walked away from that healer was that my emotional content was, had been released in my physical body. Ended up to be very different and people could see it. People made comments to me. They, what did you do? Did you lose weight?

Did you get your hair cut and nothing? I did nothing other than cry on this man's table for an hour. And I was like, what is going on? And that really began the journey. And so when I went to this conference, this Chinese medicine practitioner. He was working with the person's energy, but at the same time, he was speaking to the elements, the colors of them, the, the medicine that they held.

And so I walked away with that five elements sheet in my hand. And for me it was magic. It had something in it that I didn't understand. And that was really, my quest was how can I bring this into the exam room? I was in family practice, right. And I get back and this, this one doc was going on vacation and he said, can you cover my practice?

And I was working in emergency medicine and I would do family practice. So I would stay up with treating children. And so I bring it in and every single person I see. Every single one, I brought the thing and I said, Hey, I just learned this at a conference. You have asthma, you know, can we go through this?

And I would, I would understand that in the metal element it had to do with your lung in your large intestine, in our lungs, how we breathe, how we take in our cheek, how we bring in really that light of spirit. It has a quality that when we breathe and we're at peace and we bring that oxygen and all our system, our system gets to relax.

It's a muscle relaxant when we breathe effortless. Yeah. I'm breathing now that you're talking it's yeah. Our large intestine is our stool is our colon. How we let go of our poop. And if we have a, a breath that is held, we don't let go of things. Right. We hold on. We don't actually make our full belly breath down and in it's here.

Right? You see something scary. You hold it, you cut it off. And so what asthma or reactive lung disease will do, it keeps us from really fully breathing all the way down and end. And so when we have an emotional content of grief, we have regret, this is all on the metal element. So for me, it was a journey.

When I started to look at all the elements, it really brought the energetic connection into ways that we emotionally don't have that openness that, that, uh, allowance say because each one of the elements opens with different ways. And so in the metal that we're in now opens with tears. Right. And so if you think about when you have that emotion that way, right.

Or we have a good cry. Don't you feel so much lighter. Absolutely. Yeah. You feel so much better. And so what happens like, and I'm not saying this in every childhood, but like we have ways of, you know, don't cry. I remember, you know, uh, why are you crying? Like the stop that, and it's all really cutting our emotional content.

I'm not, yeah. If we're in wood, right. The wood element has to do with our liver. And our gallbladder has to do with anger, frustration and the opposite of each one of these. There's a peacefulness and there's a balance in it. So it's not all like, you know, The earth element. When I was saying about, you know, it's empathy and sympathy, we can stand in someone's shoe.

And, but we don't, we don't walk in their shoes. We don't take their and choose and put them on, but we do that. We end up overextending ourselves. We end up, you know, feeding somebody in their full to the brim, but oh no, eat this, do this. Do you know? And you get, we all can relate to them. And so when we start to really back up, like, and I said that I'm not traditionally trained, so I don't do pulses.

I don't put needles in, but I work with people, understanding the content physically in their body where the imbalance is. And then I work with the energetic makeup to help them release. And so I do that by breath work. I do it by energy medicine. I do it by touch for health, bouncing the emotions in the physical and the muscles and your system.

And then I do somatic release work. So I get to help you feel into where and your system is say like, looks like this instead of like in a balanced. And so each of the elements that you know, sporadically sharing, sorry about that. Yeah. Okay. So the metal is the long and the large intestine has to do with our spirituality as well as opening that up.

And then if we just keep moving through the water is our kidney and our bladder. And it has to do with, if it's off center or off balance, it's anxiety, it's a fear it's that fight or flight that is running the system so much so that we might end up with adrenal fatigue. We might end up with constant urinary tract infections.

We might end up with, we don't feel as energetically alive. And so if that is the case, if you think about anxiety or fear our systems running like this, and we might miss the ground, we might not be fully rooted right into the earth where she holds us steady. And she has a way to the function of water is actually a creates a form.

And that earth is what does that. She, it like builds lakes. It has rivers. And so when that body of water is reflected in a way that it's say seen, and it's not muddy, it's not, uh, we can't see our reflection in it. We're able to be with ourself without. We're able to truly have that calm in us because we're standing firm or grounded and our root system is fully planted.

And so what happens when then we move on to, would we realize would, is that it, it has that say quality of the root system of a tree that our spine, our back, our in-laws engage, none of that. It grows, and it allows those branches to fly out, but they also connect to everything and everyone. And so our vision is clear, our detoxification pathways are open.

So the way I've looked at all of the elements was through the puzzle of the body in a way that leaves us energetically connected. And so when our heart. The fire is open. Yeah. And that arterial system is open and free. Every organ in our system is alive, but it also has that joyful presence where love and that the innocence of the child is brought forth in all through life.

But it also has a maturity. There's a, you know, we know what is yes and no, our boundaries are healthy. And if we're looking to us to ourselves, right, and into the world, that when this is alive and open, our connection as above is so below, it is in that this place that is equal and opposite balance, it flows effortlessly.

And so when we are fully walking and planted with the mother or the earth.

We are truly insane with the father or the heavens. Right. It's all language, but it's not to, you know, cause I work with people and they're like, I don't like the word God, I don't like the word and instead, right. And then I just say, well then we just bring in spirit. We just bring in, you know, whatever the language is for you.

But then I always say, we need to look at that pocket though, because then we have something that is leaving us, not from fully connected. I think to our spirit, if we have a language that is constricted, that we're not. Yeah. So my philosophy with all of this and all the language that comes with it is if you have a reaction to anything, it's just something to look at.

Yeah. If there's something that I bring up when I'm bringing up an element or I'm reading the field, then I see that and I can see that they've overextended themselves and that they have an issue with their mother that hasn't really been truly healed. It might actually be on the earth element with the larger mother.

Right. And so we end up really understanding our physiology or people will say, how did you know I had an issue with my mother? And I'll say, well, your stomach is off. And your immune system is challenged. And you know, you're overextending yourself and you're weeping over the decisions that people make or you're worrying obsessive, really.

And those issues all end up with an imbalance in the area. And so it's really hard for our heart to be in a place that is open fully and not restricted. So our heart is the one that suffers through these places, because if you think of the heart being the central portion of it and an energy medicine, this is the place that, that connection to the divine and the connection to the mother.

Or if you look at the shock or system it's first, second, and third, when your fourth is open, right then the fifth, six and seven. So it's, it's all in alignment with the energetic. So for me, once the elements came into my puzzle, everything made sense. And so I studied the four years with Barbara Brennan and that's when the energy medicine, everything clicked.

Huh. And that's how I ended up creating soul journey. Yeah, I had to do, they asked us to do a pilot project in our fourth year of energy medicine. And that was it. I was like, well, I'm going to use the five elements. And so I had these four kids. I one of them was a client of mine in my energy practice.

And he was dealing with a lot of emotional issues and was on medications and wanted to come off. And I used this flower essences I muscle test. And I test the field to see if how we can balance out the come off. And I said, well, if you get a few of your bodies, I want to take you all out and do a journey on the land.

And, um, we'll see what happens. And so I created soul journeys by first name, the first, uh, the name of it. I said, children healing with nature. And that was the first pilot project I did. And basically walk them through the elements in a more fashion that then how I just spoke sample. Yeah, exactly.

And then I utilize techniques, energetically and physically, and, you know, bringing in the, some of the recommendations that are in the book. That's how I used with people on the land. And then the sematic work started to. It just started to evolve. Like the more I sat with the earth and the more I sat into the energy of her, then I could really read your field, but help move the energy.

That's stuck in your field then. So the beginning was the pilot project with those kids. And after their evaluations, I was in tears. They just said, I can't believe it's a CC. I can't believe I don't have to smoke dope to not have anxiety. I don't believe, you know, they were just, it was real. It was, yeah.

Most of them are dealing with, you know, they were on antidepressants or they would do. And, you know, they was smoking weed every day just to help themselves and yeah. And you know, just their faces alone, you know, just, yeah. Just to see them like at ease and comfort. Wow. Yeah. So that long way around the elemental chart.

Yeah. Cool. My mind is like swimming, you know, like I was taking notes while you were talking and trying to figure out how. This how I CA  my way of learning is trying to figure out how it applies to me directly. And like, can I make sense out of the things that I've been feeling or the things that have been going on with me?

Can I make sense of that? According to your chart, you put in the book and while you're talking, so it's all, it's all going. So I get the end of the school year. It was June. I was very overextended between school and finals and like all this other stuff that was going on professionally, the podcast planning for the trip to Jamaica with my family, there was like a lot of stuff since like the scent, the, the, the mid point in the pandemic, or maybe it was the beginning ish.

It was kind of last summer. I was so anxious. My doctor put me on Lexapro and So that was helping with some of the anxiety, but it was also like, I felt like my brain was wrapped in cotton. Like I couldn't quite access my own feelings. I knew they were there, but they were like over there, it's still affecting me, but I couldn't quite reach them.

And it took me, we a long time to figure that out. But then, so then it's the summer time and now I have a S I'm asthmatic and now I have a sinus infection that I can't get rid of even after two rounds of antibiotics and extreme constipation. So my stomach was bothering me and it was all because of, I can see it.

It was, you were saying it's unresolved grief, regret, and guilt. And so I have a very complicated relationship with my dad. Don't want to take time to go into all of that now, but the listeners kind of know my relationship with my mom who has been, is dead almost eight years, but was a undiagnosed, self medicated, bipolar with an opiate drug addiction.

And oh, by the way, let's throw in some narcissism in there and some unresolved childhood things from her life just. You know, add some spice. Yeah, absolutely ancestral language. I could see intergenerational trauma coming from her and my great, great grandparents, my great grandparents straight into me told me to see it.

 So you know, that all comes up when I'm with my dad. Cause he can't quite stop talking about how much he hated my mom, even though she's been dead almost a decade and they'd been divorced for 30 years, but okay. So I can see how not dealing with all of that stuff. And having my, my emotions really far away from me was causing or exacerbating the, the constipation and the son's infection and the breathing issues.

And that when I took up space back from my responsibilities, you know, school ended, I took a three week hiatus from doing more episodes on the podcast. So I wasn't really working on that. Writing in my journal, I was home. I was in my own space and, and you could say, okay. So I finally allowed myself a chance to rest, and that's what made the sinus infection go away.

But I think that coupled with the fact that I was reducing my Lexapro dose, so that I'm a little bit more in touch with my emotions. I was able to write in my journal, I was able to do my own self administered art therapy, which I do, which opens me up and breaks me present and mindful and meditative, like all of that in conjunction helped me regain.

And my weekly acupuncture helped me regain my balance again. So it wasn't just what Western medicine would say was the fact that I was finally resting and giving my body a chance to heal in that capacity. But it was all those other components that helped find level. And was your asthma less reactive much.

Yeah. And, and so the body has a way of sharing all of our coming into self. Right. And, you know, part of the disconnect I think sometimes happens with when we're separated from ourselves, you know, I, my, my thought process with everyone is that we're all trying to incarnate ourselves. Where we come in, not fully incarnate and then all the stuff that we had to pack on her, all the things that we endured and all the parts of our family lineage that are still being unpacked.

The more that we find those places in us that are still not imbalanced, right? So I always tell people, just pick one thing or one sibling or one parent or one, don't try to unpack it all cause too much unravel all the time. And it also takes a toll on us. And then when, you know, I connect to ask about my own piece of my puzzle.

It's always, and let's just work on this for two hours this morning and the rest of my day be in peace because if we end up being this constant, you know, in our own therapy, And we never really are in life where like obsessed with, you know, becoming the, the enlightened one or the master of our being it's it's we have to still enjoy being this human, you know, playful, crazy place that we're trying to stay away from the bandana.

I was just trying to like relearn how to do that. You know, like, um, in the fall of 2019, I spent three months writing my memoir and it was like, I went back through, I've been keeping journals since 1983. So I went back and I read all of my journal. Wow, which was an UN a trip I must say. And, and then trying to make connections and see patterns and, you know, how did I evolve to be who I am now?

And, and then tell my story. And, and so for months I was mired in this, up to my ears, and that was part of how I had to do it. That was the process. And then my husband, thank God for him because he held my hand through the whole thing. You know, when I would cry over things that happened 40 years ago, I was just there empathetically holding me and talking it out with me.

And it was just the most amazing thing, but it, and then, and then I had to go through revisions and editing. And so for the better part of a year, this was my life and I didn't allow myself. Time to go out and be giddy and childlike and connect with the earth and do all of that. Like, I see people now like getting excited and running and I'm like, how do they do that?

Like, I can't remember the last time it was that excited that I was like jumping up and down and running like, or, or even conversely, like in touch with my feelings enough to cry. And I've been a crier. My whole life, people have been saying, you know, Omar, she's going to cry at this or don't show her that TV show.

She'll never stop crying. She'll dehydrate from tears. And I can't remember the last time I cried. Like I'm trying, this touched me, your, your writing and your research and your explanations of this touched me. So Ella, mentally Regina, I feel like, I feel like it's part of the universe brought it to me now because it's helping me on wrap myself.

Um we'll get on tears with you, you know? Yeah. But also like, you know, that is part of the emotional content to allow it, because that, for me speaks to my soul, that, that the reason I wrote the book, when I, I haven't cried in so long now I'm crying. Wow. Well thank you. Because those are healing tears. Those are welcome tears.

Yeah. So beautiful. Wow. Okay. I'm not going to push it away, but you know, I have to be. Yeah, no, but it's better than, okay. So just plant those feet in those grounds and root in, interrupt her. I'll put them. Yeah. Yeah. Put them down. There you go. And then breathe into that beautiful belly. Okay. We all breathing at home.

Breathe, breathe, breathe with us. All right. Yeah. Cause then the content comes and it goes, she composts it for us and then we get that next breath and it's full, it's more rounded. We're more full. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Okay. Yeah, there was, um, a moment where you were talking about

oh, it's a poignant. I I'm, I'm getting your story in your book. Confused with my own experience, but there was a moment where you were talking about like holding hands and connecting hearts. And I don't know whether it was a patient or, or what, and I'm an older woman, wasn't it or something. Oh yeah. It was that woman who didn't speak English.

And she was there with her daughter and it was her end of life. And the daughter was holding on and you were there just holding the older woman's hand and your souls connected on a very basic level, sort of giving her the comfort and the peace she needed to leave and comforting the daughter in her grief and her love for her mom.

Well, I just, yeah, thank you. You just brought that right back. Yeah. Oh, beautiful. It made me remember my own. My maternal grandmother was 89 and had been suffering from heart issues, her whole, her whole, my whole life. So from the time she was like 60 or 50 something and, uh, And we knew she was really towards the end and her, she had a live in caretaker named Lorna, who is one of the most delicious, amazing, emotional, beautiful souls I've ever encountered in my life.

And Lon called my mom and said, I think today's the day she's going to leave today. She hasn't been eating. She didn't eat her oatmeal, yada, yada, yada. So we all my mom, her sister and I met Lana and my grandmother at the hospital. And after a while of the doctors coming in and out and all this hustle and bustle, it was just my grandmother lying on the bed.

And we didn't think she was conscious. Her heart rhythm was all over the place. And I was holding her, let me picture this correctly. I was holding her left hand. My mom was holding her feet and my aunt was holding her right hand. So we were all connected to my grandmother and we were just at peace and we kind of knew what was going to happen, but we weren't fixated on the grief of that.

And we were just telling funny, Betty stories, you know, quirky, crazy, funny things that she said or did. And you know, how, how she made us feel loved and was like the matriarch of the family. And, you know, we were going on like that for, I have no idea how long could have been an hour. It could have been five hours.

I have no idea. And then all of a sudden, no, she wasn't communicating with us because we'd none of us thought she was conscious. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, her heart rate went into perfect sinus rhythm that it had not been in 40 years. And we had this moment where we all sort of held our breath and then her heart stopped.

And we could, I don't, I can't speak for my mom or my aunt, but I could feel peace settle at the same time that I sort of felt like a whoosh kinda, and then she was gone and the nurse came in quietly and shut the machine off. So it wasn't squeal. And we just sat there with her for a while and just were silent.

It was besides the birth of my children, the most beautiful moment of my life. Hmm. Just a circle of women and to see the, the peaceful end of that and share that I transformed me. Yeah. Cool. Thank you so much for sharing that this beautiful.

I had a similar thing happened when my dad left, my mom was on one side holding his left hand and I was on the other side holding his right. And he had been sick for a while and I knew it was not long. And my mom's dear friend would call her every morning. And she called and told my mom a joke that morning.

And so my dad and her were very good friends and always knew she was always rambunctious. And, you know, bleached her hair blonde at 80, you know, just, yeah, just really fun. Yeah and fun. And so my mom comes into the room and before we're sitting either side, she said, Rosie just called and told me a joke.

And this is same as your, uh, Mo same as she, your grandmother was lying. There was in a state of this was his last day on earth and was not speaking. And, um, I said, well, mom tell the jokes. So she grabs his hand. I'm on the other side. And we are roaring laughing as she's telling the joke. And in this state of, uh, of laughter my dad, big smile and takes his last breath and leaves.

Wow. And as we are hysterically laughing, my mom said he he's gone. He's gone. And I. I said, I know, I know what a great way to go. And to that day we left you two laughing instead of in tears instead of in tears. And then, you know, it was the wildest thing. Cause at the, at the awake, the place where people came to to see him goodbye, every person said, it looks like your dad's smiling.

I know. And I said he was, yeah. Wow. Yeah. But it just that, you know what, you just shared that it was just one of those most sacred gifts. And to me, that honestly was probably the most sick gift I've been given in this lifetime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somehow. And you know, when we were sad and there was a lot of grief that she was gone and, but all of that was after in the moment, it was just.

Yeah. You know, we knew she was no longer suffering with all the health issues that she was, and she just left surrounded by love by the three women she loved most in the world. And it was just extraordinary. Yeah. There's so many moving pieces of our puzzles. I think that, you know, there's no accident that you were there and there was no accident that you were all in that circle of life and of death.

It's about the process of it. You know, we're always living, dying and birthing ourselves. You know, we regenerate every seven years. We, you know, part of the culture of, you know, the evolution of nature is to die is to come back, is to rebirth of fire. You know, that whole thing came through. And that was the, the, really the catalyst for the book after losing everything in the, the fires where your house burned down twice.

I mean, talk about taking the Phoenix rising from the ashes. I've only done this metaphorically. I, and I always tell people, I think I just needed a bigger push to really evolve into me and to, you know, incarnate into, I needed that extra, you know, mother nature's right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there have been a couple of times in my life where I realized that every decision that I had made and the place that I had found myself in was toxic.

There wasn't really anything about what I was doing that was healthy for me. Was healthy for my kids when I became a mom. And a couple of times I can think of like four right off the bat where I metaphorically torched it all and started over, quit. My job changed. My friends moved just totally started over got divorced, you know, like all of these things after a while, ex-communicated my mom and broke up with the relationship that I was at and like just regrouped and started again.

And to me, it was the only way to save myself. It was the only way to continue living my life in a way that was true to me and stop with the toxicity and the bullshit, and just be healthy and raise healthy kids, which was the ultimate goal, you know? And, and, and following those instincts paid off, you know, like, luckily I have been self intuitive enough to be in touch and go, all right, this is it.

I'm done. And when I say I'm done, I'm done, you know, and I'll feel the courage and the strength it takes to do so. So I just want you to get, to get to the other side of that and appreciate that enough. In the moment, my therapist has helped me to figure that out and friends who have said, oh my God, my life is X, Y, and Z.

Just like yours was. And I don't know how you did that. I don't know, I just did it, you know, but I don't know where that comes from except self-preservation. And, but it is that connection that we are cared for on the deepest of levels and that we are supported. And especially when we make that choices of change that are really the evolution of your soul to make it to here.

Right. Yeah. And I've always felt like the universe has my back. You know, I've said that more times than I, maybe I should tattoo that on my arm, but I've always felt like no matter what I really needed, it might not have been what I wanted. It might not want to have been, I thought I was expecting, but when I really needed the universe has provided, you know, I've never felt.

Cast out. I've never felt unmoored to that depth, you know, like even in the middle of a sin storm or a shit storm or whatever you want to call it. I never was totally on board. I always felt like the universe had my back. I've had it instances because you know, for me, if I wasn't paying attention, I would have a voice speak to me.

And one. Yeah, I didn't mention this in the book, but there was a condo I was living in Boston and the person above me stove blew up. Oh God. And so I had a headache, which I'm not a headache person. And I was working in the emergency room and I had a clinic that I had my own little office space.

It was really a two by two. And I lived across the street from it. And I had clients that afternoon, but I had a space, a little window and I had a headache. So I said, oh, I should go lay down. I have time. And I got home. I put myself down and all of a sudden I heard this boy said, wake up, pay attention to the message, wake up, pay attention.

It was a mess. And so I sat, bolt upright in bed and I thought, there's no one here. I like, and that instant. Bye. Boom. That whole thing blew up in the sprinkler system went off in the whole entire building and the, my roof was coming in from the blow up of WealthTech. And so I got out with, you know, I grabbed my, my pocket book and I got out and I was okay, but that message truly was the wake up, extra fuel to safety to save myself.

And then the other one, these are two that just popped into my head. The other one, I was in a relationship that I knew was not serving me, but I stayed for just, I was in a place that I wasn't making a shift. And in the middle of the night same thing, someone just out of the blue, if you stay, you will die.

Wow. And I thought, I didn't hear that. And so it got really. If you stay, you will die. I sat bolt upright and that was it. I was gone within three months, but wow. Yeah, so my messages, if I don't pay attention or I'm disconnected or a not there's I know. Thing. We'll remind you. We'll tell you. Well, remind me, but also that my path here is to continue what I'm doing and it has to be in a place that's fully connected and aligned.

So I think all of us get those little knocks or those red flags. And now I can say of late there, they're not as dramatic or I, I will notice if I, you know, twisted my ankle or I have a little twist in my back, I'll ask, you know, wow, what did I miss on that? What am I not paying attention to? So I really go into every message in the body or every reaction I have with someone or something.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. What am I holding? Or what is it in me that I don't see that's in them because why would I judge that? Or why would I judge them? Or why would I, that's a place that I'm holding in myself that it has not yet healed. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. You see that in myself a lot. I'm not a judgmental person by nature.

And there are often like things I'll say to myself in my own head about someone else, very harshly judgmental. And there, it's always about one subject that I am still not healed with or at peace with, with myself. And it's feels icky. I don't like the way that feels going in, going out at all. So I have to work on that. 

, but it's also a time to, you know, I tell people it's a nice time to really look in the mirror, like to really just reflect that person that you judged or that issue back to you. Until you can find that place of compassion for yourself. You'll find it in that. Right. And that is the time that we just sit, but the, the time to be still, because then we don't have to judge and get harsher at the thought that we did that, or we're a bad person, or we're not kind, or, or whatever, you know, because then we go in this whole loop and we never really come back to that thread of being connected to really who we are, you know, there's beauty in all of us, even in the places and the people that we find that aren't.

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. So you know how, sorry, how, if you, if we have listeners who are. Interested or know that they want to start unraveling their own unhealthy choices, or how does somebody begin this process if they, if they're sort of skirting around it and haven't found the courage to dive in, what advice might you give them?

That's a great question. You know, it's that the universe, or, you know, like if they're stumbling upon this, right.  You know, part of it with that. Self promote in any way, shape or form would become back into the place where they feel most at ease. So if it is really going out and sitting in nature, but sitting with no agenda and then just coming back to the felt sense of their body and come back to the breath, there's easy ways to do breath work, but you know, one of the easiest things I tell people is to just do that deep breath in hold.

For a second or two and have your exhale be just a little longer, easiest way to relax your parasympathetics relax your nervous system and kick that in just to a place of calm. Cause that's where your muscles will start to relax in your body. And then just see what comes through your mind. And the first thing that comes through that is not of say that it, it takes you into a loop or,  being disconnected.

That's the place that I would begin to inquire just an inquiry, whether it's journal or whether it's, you know, somewhere where you can find a place with no judgment that you're just witnessing yourself. Let yourself just. Free form with thought by in a journal or a place with that, but a place that you could connect to out nature, you know, even if it's in your backyard, grabbing a chair, taking your shoes off, putting your feet on the ground, what that feels like getting a sense of what your body is in time and space.

And then the physical realm. If you're physically connected to yourself, you'll start to feel things that maybe you haven't and the breath will bring you into that. And that is a place to begin. And then you just put out there in a prayer, or, you know, I tell people if you don't like the word prayer, I use intention.

You just start with that intention. May I gravitate? Or may I find something to read or a person to speak with or a heal or to connect to that will help me begin my path. And that's it. That might be just the prayer then Justin, because notoriously, you know, when I started all this, I would have something come on the radio.

I would hear somebody in the grocery line, speaking of something and I would have this visceral reaction and think, I don't know them. Why is this? And that's how that was the journey in. Right, right. Wow. They're teaching me about something I have no clue about. And then notoriously, oh wow. This person goes to this person.

Why don't you should go call that? You know, it just, it pulls together. It does. But the minute, the university's that little bit of, I want something to change. Boom steps in it. Steps. Yeah. I promise that will happen to anybody that's listening. That really wants to begin the journey. Yeah. Yeah. Great. I, I I've seen it happen in my life many, many times.

Yeah. It's just, you know, the book itself, it there's so many aspects of it that I didn't share. Cause there's, there's just so many things that happened. But after I finished. I had lost everything. So I was took time out in Bottega bay and I would drive to Sebastopol. Cause that was the closest town that had a library and just everything.

And so when I would go, I'd go to the library. And the one day I said, oh, I want quotes for my book and at the end of the chapters. And so, you know, I didn't have any books or anything, so I wasn't really A reader of Deepak Chopra, but I just, for whatever reason that day, I thought, let me try his stuff.

He's out there. I love his medicine and what have you. And I had actually met his brother. I worked in Israel. I know. And he was or you may be still, I'm not sure if he's still practicing there at Beth Israel, but he was a liver physician, a hematologist. And he was in the ER one day. And,   I was seeing, I don't know if it was his patient, but it might've been a mutual consult or whatever, but he was there and I saw his last name and I said, oh my God, you can't be related to deep October.

And he said, oh, he's my brother. And I said, oh no. And I said, do you have, do you have his books in your waiting room? And he said, yeah, I go, have you read them? Like, I was just like this banter, you know, Yeah, but he was just such a beautiful soul. And so when I went to the library that day, I said, I should really check out this guy's bar, you know, it's so I get, I get his books out and I started to look through, you know, just to see if I could find a quote that would feel right in the book and stuff.

And so I opened this there's one book. It was, it said, God, on the cover, it's a big book. And yeah, I know it was one I'm sure there was a subtitle in the, in the, in the cover. But, so I opened the book up because I thought, okay, God, that's a good start. I opened the book up and there was a, a piece of paper that was folded and it was folded like just like this.

And on the front of it was a heart, like the front of the book. And it was a heart that was from A medical coloring book and it was all done in it was all done in watercolor. Wow. When I saw it, I, my whole reaction because the heart, this is the cover of the book. And when I opened it up, it was a love letter.

A person wrote a love letter and drew this and left it in the book. And so  I honored the letter, but I didn't read it. I just saw that it was a love letter. And then I just asked, can I take the cover for my book? And I just, I took a snapshot of the cover, put it back, close the book and that's the heart.

And that that's, that's what I, and then I had someone not, I didn't take it. I had them copy it, you know, or make a yeah. Yeah, yeah. And so, you know, the whole thing just kept going like that. Like I asked them, what do I charge for the book? God, what do I, what do I charge spirit for the book? And so I went into a thrift shop, in Sebastopol and other day.

And I had that question when I went. And so I parked my car in the car in front of me, the license plate had 9, 9, 9. And so I was like, oh, I love numbers. I love during virtues healing with the angels in the back of the book has numbers. And so I was like, oh, okay, that's good numbers. And then I just, I have to have confirmation three times.

So then I go in and I lost everything. And my thought was, oh, I'd love to get Doreen's book back. Cause that 9, 9, 9. Right. Because in the back of her book, she had. Triple digits and she tells you what the angels are speaking to. Okay. So I go into, of course the thrift shop. I look in the back with the books and what's there, there's the book healing with the angels.

What's the price of the book, 99 cents. Then I walked by this rack of shoes and there's these cool boots. And I was like, oh my God, they're my size. I flipped the thing over. It's 9 99 size. Like there's your three. Okay. Thank you. I opened the book up. Awesome. And then you look at the back of the book. I, I, I gave that book away, so I don't have the, I can't read it to you specifically, but it is no lie.

It is the ending of a cycle and it is for the healers of this earth. It is your time to come forward. Wow. I have chills on my arm. Wow. So I get out to the car and I said, spirit, I'm supposed to give the book away for 9 99. Can I do 1999

so I did, I did 1999 and then I did the, Kindle 9 99. And then when I, I narrated it, so I did the audio book and I was like, I want it to be 9 99, and then they won't let you do that. It's by the it's how much time. So, yeah, so I was like, oh, well, but yeah. So it's out of your hand. It was out of exactly the point of this, I guess, is to say that really, once you put the intention out or the prayer, like it comes forward, so anybody as you started with who wants to open to this path, it's really just a matter of setting that as your intention and it will happen.

Yeah. It will happen. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for being. Oh, it's been such a pleasure. I just feel great that you've asked me all this about the book. It's fun. Awesome. Yeah. I have a just really quickly, so that listeners know you've got a conference in Peru coming up in October in November, November.

I got it wrong in November. That's all right. And it's it's an international holistic conference that is going to be virtual this year because of our climate. And they asked me to be one of the speakers and so I will be sharing, the elements in a more experiential fashion. So you'll be able to have healing through.

With just by listening and doing, I do long distance healing. So it'll be part of that as you hear about the element, and then I'll bring you through an experiential process, so you can have that part of your system. Yeah. So, so you treat patients in a physical, like 3d in real life practice, but you also do through zoom and Skype and so on as well.

You know, anybody who lives far away from you can still yeah. And that's part of the Brennan's healing. So in the last year of school, you do, you actually have to treat people in a different place in a different building, and then you take notes and then you go back and forth. So you practice long distant healing, but then you realize the energetics of it that you feel you are connected.

In a way that brings healing to them. So I do also group a healing once a month, the first Wednesday of the month for an hour. And so people can access all of this through your website, soul Awesome. So all these links will be linked down below in the show notes so they can access you quickly that way.

So, well, Regina, this has been just phenomenal. I've loved every minute of this and I knew I was going to, I was looking forward to this for a long time, so yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. I've really enjoyed this as well. Excellent. Thank you. All right.