Permission to Heal

Permission to Heal Episode #86 - A Conversation with Rahz Slaughter about Parenting Teenagers who are motivated, kind, and confident.

September 14, 2022 Marci Brockmann Season 2 Episode 86
Permission to Heal Episode #86 - A Conversation with Rahz Slaughter about Parenting Teenagers who are motivated, kind, and confident.
Permission to Heal
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Permission to Heal
Permission to Heal Episode #86 - A Conversation with Rahz Slaughter about Parenting Teenagers who are motivated, kind, and confident.
Sep 14, 2022 Season 2 Episode 86
Marci Brockmann

Rahz Slaughter, MPT, NLP  - Teen Life Coach
Personality Parenting - Parenting Teenagers who are motivated, kind, and confident.

Rahz "The Motivator" Slaughter is a motivational speaker who has invested 22 years in helping parents and teens improve their mindsets and take charge of their lives. Born with a physical disability and raised by a single mother who suffered from alcohol and drug addiction, Rahz has been labeled countless times and told that he had limitations and that there would be things he could not do, be, or achieve. Despite these messages, Rahz was born with a growth mindset and set out to create a life of his doing and not what others expected of him.

 As a Color Code Interpersonal Skills Trainer and NLP practitioner, Rahz has tools to help parents and teenagers overcome limiting beliefs and reach their full potential. Rahz has owned and operated five private training studios for two decades. Today Rahz is a 3X author and in-demand online parenting and teen life coach.  He is also a cyclist, personal trainer, devoted husband, and taco lover.

Rahz'z books -
Student Success Secrets: Unlock The 7 Secrets For Developing Inspired, Motivated, and Success-Driven Teens

The One Hour Trainer: 90-Day Roadmap To Building A Successful and Profitable Fitness Business That You Love

THE MENOPAUSE SUCCESS TRIANGLE A Practical Guide to Living a Healthy, Happy Menopause Life by pseudonym Kris. T. Smith. 

Connect with Rahz
Instagram, YouTube, His Website, and Facebook.

Connect with Marci

·       Website, Patreon, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Facebook Group.

·       Permission to Heal on YouTube.

·       Permission to Land  (memoir) - Hardcover, Paperback, eBook, audiobook 

-      Permission to Land: Personal Transformation Through Writing

Permission to Heal Bookshop - Buy books from the episodes & support independent bookstores. 

Permission to Heal is a passion of mine.  I need your help to bring more inspirational episodes to the world; please consider becoming a patron through PATREON. 

Support the Show.

Show Notes Transcript

Rahz Slaughter, MPT, NLP  - Teen Life Coach
Personality Parenting - Parenting Teenagers who are motivated, kind, and confident.

Rahz "The Motivator" Slaughter is a motivational speaker who has invested 22 years in helping parents and teens improve their mindsets and take charge of their lives. Born with a physical disability and raised by a single mother who suffered from alcohol and drug addiction, Rahz has been labeled countless times and told that he had limitations and that there would be things he could not do, be, or achieve. Despite these messages, Rahz was born with a growth mindset and set out to create a life of his doing and not what others expected of him.

 As a Color Code Interpersonal Skills Trainer and NLP practitioner, Rahz has tools to help parents and teenagers overcome limiting beliefs and reach their full potential. Rahz has owned and operated five private training studios for two decades. Today Rahz is a 3X author and in-demand online parenting and teen life coach.  He is also a cyclist, personal trainer, devoted husband, and taco lover.

Rahz'z books -
Student Success Secrets: Unlock The 7 Secrets For Developing Inspired, Motivated, and Success-Driven Teens

The One Hour Trainer: 90-Day Roadmap To Building A Successful and Profitable Fitness Business That You Love

THE MENOPAUSE SUCCESS TRIANGLE A Practical Guide to Living a Healthy, Happy Menopause Life by pseudonym Kris. T. Smith. 

Connect with Rahz
Instagram, YouTube, His Website, and Facebook.

Connect with Marci

·       Website, Patreon, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Facebook Group.

·       Permission to Heal on YouTube.

·       Permission to Land  (memoir) - Hardcover, Paperback, eBook, audiobook 

-      Permission to Land: Personal Transformation Through Writing

Permission to Heal Bookshop - Buy books from the episodes & support independent bookstores. 

Permission to Heal is a passion of mine.  I need your help to bring more inspirational episodes to the world; please consider becoming a patron through PATREON. 

Support the Show.

So I wanted kids to, to really go, what is success, ask themselves the question and then determine it and have a way of framework of creating it for themselves. Not how their parents want them to go to Yale or Ivy leagues colleges, or get a perfect score on the SATs, but simply figuring it out earlier on at least starting the journey.

Hello everyone. And welcome to permission to heal. I am Marcy Brockman, and I'm really thrilled that you're here today. This episode, that you're about to listen, to covers so many topics. Really amazing. My guest is raws. Slaughter. He is formerly from New York, but now from south Florida and he is a per an amazing guy. 

[00:00:25] He was a fitness coach and now he's a parenting coach and so much more Raz. The motivator. Slaughter is a motivational speaker who has invested 22 years in helping parents and teens improve their mindset and take charge of their lives. He was born with physical disability and raised by a single mom who suffered from alcohol and drug addiction. 

[00:00:49] He was raised by his grandma. Raz has been labeled countless times and told that he has limitations and that there would be things he just could not do or be, or achieve. And despite these messages, he was born with a growth mindset and set out to create his life of doing and not doing what others expected him to do. As a color code, interpersonal skills trainer and a  

[00:01:14] neurolinguistic programming practitioner. Roz has tools to help parents and teenagers overcome limiting beliefs and reach their full potential. Roz has owned and operated five private training studios for two decades. He is a three time author, an in demand, online parenting and teen life coach. 

[00:01:37] He's also a cyclist, a personal trainer, a devoted husband, and a taco lover. Amazing. The conversation spans all sorts of things from how to get our kids and our teens to be the best that they can be and how to be the best parent and teacher and motivator and modeler that we can be and his three books and, and also. 

[00:01:59] So talking about menopause and midlife changes, menopausal changes in women's bodies. So it covers a whole lot of things. His three books are his latest book is called Student Success: Secrets Unlock the Seven Secrets for Developing Inspired, motivated, and success driven teens. The one hour trainer 90 day roadmap to build a successful and profitable fitness business that you love. 

[00:02:25] And The Menopause Success Triangle, which he wrote under a pseudonym, Chris T Smith, all of the books and his course five day confidence challenges, unstoppable parent master class is all in the show notes. So. Please click and, and you'll all find it all there. As well as all of the ways to get in touch with him through social media and his website and so on. 

[00:02:50] So, I just hope that you enjoy this conversation. It was really fun for the two of us to connect and talk about so many. Amazing inspirational things that we are each so involved in. So thank you so much for being here. And if you have any comments or suggestions for future episodes, please contact me at Marcy Brockman, or through social media or through the podcast itself. Thanks so much.

[00:00:00] Welcome Rahz, to permission to heal. I'm excited that you're here. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. This has been a, a conversation I've been looking forward to not that I don't look forward to others, but you know I think your specific niche is now that I've learned, there are multiple speak to exactly the kinds of questions that I have been asking as an educator and as a menopausal woman, you know, just learned that like five minutes ago anyway. 

[00:00:31] You're from upstate New York. You now live in Florida and you've written a few books. You've got a coaching business. Why don't you introduce yourself and tell us what you're all. Sure. Thank you for first. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here for your listeners. Like Marci said, my name is Rahz slaughter, AKA the motivator. 

[00:00:51] I did not give myself that name many years ago. I was a personal trainer in New York for 20 years and someone said, you know what? Raz you, you are the motivator and it just stuck. And, I truly believe that's just kind of the, the way it goes, the universe will tell you what you need to know. 

[00:01:08] And it's what I love to do. I get to work with teens every single day in their parents, helping them just navigate that crazy period of time between 12, 12 and 21, where they're trying to figure out, you know, who am. And they're having this conversation with themselves that they just really are not clear with and parents don't know how to help them navigate it, cuz they can't remember how they got there. 

[00:01:29] And it's a crazy time, but I'm blessed to have the opportunity to do so. That's awesome. And I, I think it's not just that parents don't remember how they got there. I think that we're in a totally different time. You know, like I remember how I got through my teens and I wouldn't want that for my own kids, let alone my students. 

[00:01:48] So, you know, I try to use the lessons I've learned in the 54 years on this planet to sort of make the process if not easier for them, but somehow more manageable for them. But I think that 20, 22, with the way our world, our country, our culture, our communities are in the political climate and the environmental climate in, in the civil rights climate, in the, you know, and post COVID. 

[00:02:18] I think we're in a totally different place than any of us could have ever predicted. We would be in. So absolutely. So I, I ha I I'm embarrassed to say that prior to the interview, I did not read your book but I'm excited to talk about these, these secrets, those. So the most recent book that you wrote was called student success. 

[00:02:41] Secrets, unlock the seven secrets for developing inspired, motivated, and. Success driven teens. And I can tell you that as a high school English teacher, I see a huge drop off in the last couple of years, since, since we've gone back to school after COVID, after we're still in the middle of it now, but you know what I mean? 

[00:03:01] Um, not only a learning loss. Because of how screwed up school was for 18 to 24 months, but a totally different mindset. You know, like there are some kids who are as resilient or as motivated as they always were, but that percentage is smaller than it used to be. And the majority of kids are just overwhelmed. 

[00:03:33] Their mental health is in an ambiguous, precarious place. Their families are in all sorts of shock and, and weirdness as the rest of us are. Um, and I, I don't know what to do for them. Maybe you can. Sure. I mean, I, I, that's what I, I get to do and I get to attempt every day, you know, I'm learning and like we all are in this process. 

[00:03:57] The last couple of years have been crazy as you were saying. And that's what kind of, I wrote this book with my wife and the reason that it was the, it was a book that I wish I had at 12, 13, 14 growing up on long island. My mom had left and she was addicted to Coke, crack cocaine. And I lived with my grandmother who had a second grade education. 

[00:04:21] I had no mentors. My father was. You know, abandoned me when he, I was born. So I really, I looked back and I said, what would I have needed to hear? What would I have needed to read that would've given me just a spark, a little bit of direction, a little bit of clarity. And this book came outta me. I mean, we were sitting in the living room saying, what are we gonna do? 

[00:04:41] I mean, you're gonna be working from home. I'm gonna be working from home. And I closed my gyms. Things were turning. I was pivoting. And I was like, I'm gonna write a book and I'm gonna write a book for the kid that I know, you know, is sitting at home right now. Maybe feeling a little bit lost, confused, or just doesn't have any direction. 

[00:04:58] And it led me to that first chapter where we talk about it's all about mindset and how you can take your beliefs, your attitude, and your self talk and transform your entire life. Because we know that our beliefs as adults, right, create our feelings and emotions and results. So often these kids are, are comparing themselves to other kids. 

[00:05:18] I'm sure you see that I'm not smart enough. I'm not tall enough. I'm not whatever we could fill in the blanks. So I wanted to give them a tool that they can use to instantly change where, how they were thinking, how they saw themselves and the language that they were using to speak to themselves so that they could become inspired and motivated to create whatever they wanted to do. 

[00:05:39] Wow. So, so the book is written as the students or as the teens, as the audience? Yes, absolutely. So it's written for them, with them in mind. That's that's. Is amazing. So what kind of background or research or whatever did you do to, to write this, to come up with the, the seven secrets? Where did they come from? 

[00:06:03] So the seven secrets came from a lifetime of personal development, mentors, coaches, and I just sat down with my wife and I said, you know what? We need to go back. And the reason that I wanted her to help me was to give me that polarity, I didn't wanna come from just a masculine place. I wanted to make sure that we had that balance. 

[00:06:21] And I, she cuz a lot of times I can be really like, go, go, go take over the world. And she brings me down and it was really, we sat down and we did some research on who, who inspired us. What were some lessons that we learned? What are some things that we would've told ourselves at 12, 13, 14, that would've really inspired us, not just, oh, I wanna be an astronaut or a fireman, but what would've gotten us thinking because at the, at the end of each chapter, we give thinking questions so that we really want the kids to take a second and then go, oh, you. 

[00:06:52] Who am I? What are my strengths? What are my limitations? What do I really want? Because, and we don't know. We know they're not gonna have the answer to all of these questions. No, but it's the process of getting them, ask the questions, right? Giving them the power to ask the questions and give themselves the answers and not look outside of themselves necessarily for anything but motivation, but to figure out who they are. 

[00:07:14] I mean, that's what teenagers are doing. They're searching for identity. And absolutely. If they're only asking their friends who is as lost as they are. They're not gonna get very far. So I, I think, I think that, that this is probably exactly what they need and the great thing is I, it, the book is written, so it's not just like, you know, when you get 10 tips or right. 

[00:07:39] 10 secrets, or it's like, oh, another one of those books, I'm not reading that. It's a story. And we talk about different people in our lives, different kids. We, we utilize stories that they can actually go and research. Um, and we share our mentors, things like Tony Robbins been a huge mentor to me and, you know, and they might have never heard of him if they haven't seen shallow. 

[00:07:59] How, but sure. At the same time they can go, oh wow, this is something I, I can get it taken. I can use this tomorrow. The second habit we talk about is courage. We really want them to dive in and, and understand that if you get you're courageous, you can find that energy about yourself that you didn't even know it. 

[00:08:17] Exist. And it starts with the questions you ask yourself each and every morning. So how do you find courage if you don't have courage or if you're paralyzed by fear and all you're thinking about is, oh my God, if I do that thing, I'm gonna die. How do you get yourself out of that? I love that question. It, it really, we just, it comes to action because we know that if you take just one step forward, you're go and you do it consistently. 

[00:08:43] You no longer are gonna have. Same fear. We all had a fear. The first time we tied our shoot, are we gonna do it right? Are we not gonna do it? But now you do it automatically. You don't have to think about it. It's getting the reps. And one of the things that I love to try to inspire teens and parents is that we have to take action in perfect action is the best type, because then you can learn from it. 

[00:09:04] There's no such thing as failure, it's just feedback. And that feedback gives us the opportunity to take and extract those lessons and really. Forward with whatever our goals, our hopes, our dreams are. So each attempt is a learning experience. Absolutely. So rather than looking at success, success or failure, we're just looking at things on a continuum of what we can learn. 

[00:09:24] So if I'm gonna tie my shoes and I'm not gonna get the laces the right way, I've learned not to do that, let's do it differently the next time. Absolutely. To use your metaphor. mm-hmm yeah, it, it, I sort of figured that, that lesson out, I think in its most complete form in a way that helps me as a, as an adult, when I was dating in my forties, I think I had this epiphany that no matter what I did, I was still gonna be fine. 

[00:10:04] Mm. You know that I let's say I walked into a blind date. Empty handed so to speak. And no matter how it went, I was gonna, I, the worst that would happen is that I would walk out empty handed, you know, mm-hmm um, there was a, a, a point when I was 14 going back quite a few decades, there was a point when I was 14. 

[00:10:22] I was very shy because my mother was very shy. And I think I, that's how I learned to navigate the world, by example, you know, and I'd had a conversation with her and she said that there were a whole bunch of things that she wanted to do, but she was afraid to do it because she was so shy. And I had this moment, this epiphany, where I said, well, I don't want that to limit me. 

[00:10:46] You know, she's regretting things because this's got in her way. I, if I'm not gonna be that way anymore. And so there was a moment I was standing in school. And there were a group of kids, freshman year of high school. There were a group of kids that I wanted to talk to, but, and I was sort of standing there like the wallflower I was standing with with the group, but I was afraid to speak up for being afraid of being ostracized, afraid of being left at afraid, you know, whatever that, that self-limiting belief was in my head. 

[00:11:18] And, and I remember very clearly saying to myself, what's the worst that could happen. Will the world, will there be an earthquake that sucks me up? Will I die of a, you know, whatever right here? No, the worst that happens is they don't respond in a way that I want them to respond. And so we're all standing there in this circle and I contributed to the, the, the comedic conversation and everyone laughed and they said, oh my God, Marcy, you're so funny. 

[00:11:47] Why didn't you ever talk? You know? And I'm like, okay, this worked, I'll keep talking. And, and I talked myself out of being shy. Mm. And I tell that story to, to my students every year. And they're like, well, how the hell did you do that? Like, I just jumped and learned to fly on the way down. Right. Figuring out that if I fell or they didn't laugh, so they didn't laugh, I wasn't gonna die. 

[00:12:11] I was no worse off with whatever reaction they could give me. Then I was beating myself up for being quiet. That's cool. I love that. You said you, you, you saw what you didn't wanna be like. Yeah. You know, and, and that's something I teach kids all the time. It's modeling, right? It's, it's finding success in something and that's how you can break free of the fear that it can't be done, or you're gonna mess up. 

[00:12:34] Someone's already done it. All you gotta do is find someone who's doing what you want and model them. Whether it's a basketball player, an artist, a creative person, there's always someone out there that's doing something that you wanna do and you can follow them and, and, and get inspired. I think we do that all the. 

[00:12:50] Don't we even without thinking about doing that all the time, you see somebody like you see somebody dressing a way that you wanna dress, you like their aesthetics. So you're gonna bring in pieces of that into your own aesthetic. If you like it, you know, inspiration walking through a museum as an artist. 

[00:13:07] I see that all the time. Oh, I wanna, I love the way that artist uses light. And I wanna bring that concept into my own artwork. You know, I think we do that all the time, but thinking about it intentionally and being conscious about how we use that to do other things like you were talking about student success and motivation, and, and that's a way of thinking about this modeling that I'm not, I, I think is sort of new for a lot of. 

[00:13:35] Yeah. And, you know, we, we start the book off by talking about what is success. And because a lot of times when we hear success and I know growing up for me, success meant things. I wanted to learn. You know, this kid had a car or a big house, or I learned that. And that's what I focused on, but that's really, wasn't what it didn't drive me. 

[00:13:54] I wasn't passionate about that. So I wanted kids to, to really go, what is success, ask themselves the question and then determine it and have a way of framework of creating it for themselves. Not how their parents want them to go to Yale or Ivy leagues colleges, or get a perfect score on the SATs, but simply figuring it out earlier on at least starting the. 

[00:14:15] Because I've had so many clients in my life that could be in adults like us, and they're still like, I don't even know what to do. Right. It's cuz we didn't start early enough trying to think about it. You didn't ask yourself. Yeah. There wasn't any intentionality about, about any of it. Yeah. I, I, I, yeah, absolutely. 

[00:14:36] absolutely, there are so many grownups, so many people who I'm friends with as a, you know, as a, as a grownup who are still sort of shooting darts in the dark, you know, they don't really know cuz they haven't asked themselves questions. I, you know, they, they look at me like you did. What, how do you do that? 

[00:14:56] You just decide and jump. Yes. You know, 

[00:15:04] school year starting in about a month in New York and I'm starting to think about. as I always do this point in the summer, how I'm gonna begin the school year next year, you know, how am I going to introduce my students to their junior or senior year of high school in a way that's going to set them up for success this year and beyond. 

[00:15:30] And, um, a lot of it, we talk about growth mindset versus a fixed mindset. And, uh, I was wondering if you could speak to that a little bit. Absolutely. Um, you know, Carol Dweck's work is, is amazing and, and I love to like, just the book is something I don't recommend for students. Cause it's, it's a lot to chew on this. 

[00:15:53] Science behind it, but it's really simple. I mean, growth mindset just is something that some kids are born with and some kids have to adapt and learn and adults as well. I know for me, I was born with a growth mindset. So you told me I couldn't do it. I would find a way they told me that, you know, I was born with my right leg shorter than any other. 

[00:16:12] I have no quadrants, upper hamstring on my right leg. So my right leg doesn't flex or extend. And I remember you mentioned Sayid. I remember getting a job or going in for a job interview at sports times, which was a gym there. Right. And I remember the, the guy saying to me, you know, we're not hiring right now. 

[00:16:32] Basically what he was telling me was I wasn't six foot, two blonde hair and blue eyes, and I didn't fit the description of the ideal personal. But he did offer me a job at the front desk signing up racketball courts. I said, absolutely. I accept that job, knowing that that wasn't the outcome that I wanted, but it was my foot in a door. 

[00:16:51] Sure. And I learned early on that having a growth mindset meant when there's a wall there, it doesn't matter. The wall's there. I'm gonna find a way over it, around it or through it, but I'm gonna make a way. And when we, you being in education, I'm sure you see it all the time. And you're inspiring kids that they should be willing to try new things and learn. 

[00:17:10] And, but some of them don't believe they can learn. Yeah, and that is the main block. I I'm just the way I am. And that's probably because of a limiting belief that they learned that they didn't unconsciously know they were learning right from someone in their family. And we get the opportunity to kind of impart the, the importance of having a growth mindset and adapting and being able to recognize in ourselves when it's not happening. 

[00:17:35] And it's such a beautiful thing when you see a young person going through and say, oh, I can't do that. Oh, I, I'm sorry. I'm gonna erase that. I can, I just have to figure out a strategy, a better solution. And, uh, that's what we talk about in the book. And it's what I do with my coaching clients. Yeah. I always, I have the kids add the word yet to the end of that sentence. 

[00:17:55] I can't do it. No, you can't do it yet. You will. As long as you keep trying, you know, and, and even something simple as writing essays, you know, I mean, that's modeled. And we practice and it's scaffolded, you know, we start with smaller things and, and by the end of the year, even though they hate it, yes, they can do it. 

[00:18:15] You know, I mean, it is a necessary thing. You don't have to love doing it. You just have to get good enough to pass the class and they ask the Regents exam and you know's just the way it is. But, uh, I, I add the word yet. I, I think that's a beautiful thing because that's something that, that carries them through every single phase of their life forever. 

[00:18:38] Yeah. You know, there's a absolutely, there's a big thing about in the, you know, if you follow certain Instagram feeds about entrepreneurship and all sorts of other things could be eating disorders could be anything where they say start before you're ready. Cuz if you wait until you think that you're ready, you'll never get there for sure. 

[00:18:59] For sure. Interesting. Interesting. Um, what do you say to the kids who are. Defiant of authority or mm-hmm , um, always have some sort of sarcastic wise crack to say to the parents or the teacher or to whoever's in, in, in, in power or in control or whatever. What, what, what do you say to those kids to snap them awake? 

[00:19:30] One of the things I, I. Because that's one of the main reasons that parents hire me. They're just kind of, they're stuck at how they, this little kid that they had was so awesome up until a certain age. And now everything they ask them to do, they're saying, no, give me another minute, wait on it. And a little while later, or they just straight up won't do it. 

[00:19:49] Well, I always tell clients that it's important that you have to set the expectation, but you have to regain the authority as well. Mm-hmm and it's so often through the language you become an over negotiator with kids. They will find a way to keep negotiating a little bit longer, a little bit more give 'em an inch, they'll take a mile. 

[00:20:08] So the number one thing is set expectations that are clear. Those expectations cannot be gray area. It can't be always take out the garbage when you get ready, take out the garbage before 6:00 PM and bring it to the end of the curb done, done. And then here are the consequences. If you don't do that. And we all know that parents, teachers, we, uh, we are in. 

[00:20:29] The hierarchy of the world. Right? Right. So we have currency, you have to be able to distinguish what is that currency that, that child, that teen, that tween really wants today. And I don't have my phone here, but it's a phone. Right? Right. So a lot of my clients want, they wanna have access to wifi. They want their phones, their tablets. 

[00:20:47] So they have to earn those. Things. And, and I really empower parents to go, you know what? There's things that we have to give our kids food, clothing, shelter, but they don't need to have an Xbox. They don't need to have an TV in their room. They don't need to have all these things. They earned those luxuries. 

[00:21:04] And I know growing up, I didn't have them. So when now when we have them in what they weren't invented yet, so right. So, but we didn't have the, we went outside, but now these kids are stuck to 'em and they're becoming really educated on things that they think they're further along. And so the number one thing is just simply setting expectations and regaining the parental control. 

[00:21:26] So often parents become the friend. And if you become your, your child's friend, what happens is they're going to expect you to act like a friend, treating them like a peer, and you have to give them, Hey, I love you, but I'm gonna put my parent coach hat on and teach you exactly what you need to hear. Not what you want to hear, right? 

[00:21:45] Yeah. There was a point in, I could say both of my kids' lives around the time they were 15, 16 years old, where that problem reared its ugly head, you know, mm-hmm and I, I remember having conversations with my son while he was downstairs on the Xbox, you know, you've got homework to do and he's a straight a student and I didn't have to get on his ass about his grades because he got on his ass about his grades. 

[00:22:08] But. Was still trying to figure out the lesson there that if you spend all four or five hours after school, if you spend four or five hours after school work, uh, playing on your Xbox, you don't leave yourself enough time for your schoolwork. The grades you're gonna get are gonna suffer. And he had to teach himself that lesson. 

[00:22:25] But, but I remember saying the exact take the garbage out lesson, you know, like we it's a Monday night, we need the garbage to go out to the curb. And if I said, you have to do it now, I was shooting myself in the foot, cuz that wasn't gonna happen. Mm-hmm so, so I said, you know, like you said, by six o'clock or I gave him a time sometime between now and dinner or sometime between now and whatever the hell time, this is what you're gonna do. 

[00:22:48] This is what's expected. And I had like a little, I made a little chart in the kitchen and I kept track of whose turn it was to do what chore. And if you didn't, you didn't get your allowance or you got your phone taken away or you lost your TV time or you lost your Xbox time or whatever it was. And, and that worked for a while while they were. 

[00:23:08] early teens. Um, my daughter's like junior, senior year of co of high school. The only thing that worked was me taking away her phone mm-hmm cause that was her lifeline to her friends. And at that point they were of most importance to her, not me. Mm-hmm and I, you know, as a teacher who studied lifespan development, I know this. 

[00:23:26] You know, mm-hmm uh, and, and I just hid her phone and it was, it was like someone was cutting off her leg without a, without anesthetic. I mean, she was just, in agony, in agony. And, and then she figured out where my hiding spot was and she stole her phone while I was at work and went on social media and then shut the phone off and put it back in the hiding spot. 

[00:23:55] they're clever, aren't they? But, you know, I, I have, uh, I saw her Instagram and I knew what her Finsta was even. So I'm like, uh, you were on social media to no, I wasn't someone hacked. I password, you have bullshit. You just lost yourself another week of the phone, you know? Exactly. And we're gonna, you wanna keep. 

[00:24:15] You don't know who you're getting in the ring with. You know, I love it. I love it. And eventually she stopped doing that. and, and learned, you know, it was hard being a consistent parent and I'm not authoritarian by nature. I'm very like, Free to be you and me about a lot of things. So that was really hard for me. 

[00:24:37] But cuz I, although now I'm a firm believer that if your teenager isn't pissed at you, sometimes you're not doing it right. Boom , you know, it hurts when your kid's mad at you and you're not, and you, you know, you don't want that, but they're not always gonna be the compliant little seven year old that they used to be. 

[00:24:59] You know, you've gotta teach them limits and boundaries. And the only way to do that is sometimes with a little or a lot of hard work it is. And the thing you said there is it's sticking, staying consistent is what cuz kids will wear you out and they know. And when they see a little chin in your armor, they're gonna keep going. 

[00:25:20] They're gonna keep nagging, please, please. Can I have that? Come on. Can I go to my friend's house? And, and, and so often parents are tired, you know, I mean, some of them are too family, you know, they're working, they got careers they're out and about they come home and I, I always, when I'm coaching, I just say, Hey, you know what, keep your head down, bite down and keep moving forward, stick to the plan. 

[00:25:41] Because when they do like you, you're gonna get the result because kids go, oh, wow. You know what? I need that structure in my life. I need that development. And you know, I don't, I'm, I'm under construction. I haven't really even figured this all out yet. I'm glad I have someone who knows where I'm going and is helping me get there and stay on the straight and narrow. 

[00:26:00] Yeah, I, we, we had, because I'm a teacher, I, you know, I, I, I know the value of hard work, especially when it comes to academics and I always had work to take home. And so when the kids had homework, even from the time they were in first grade, we'd come home from school, we'd have our snack and we'd all sit at the dining room table. 

[00:26:17] And we would all do our school work together. And it was always have tos before want tos. And because we had that structure, even when they went off to college, they were still doing that. And I would hear from them via text message or phone or whatever. And they would say, you said, have tos before, want to, so I'm gonna study and then I'm gonna go out. 

[00:26:35] You know, they, they, they was ingrained in them and I I'm gonna borrow that one. , I'll give you credit for like two or three times, then I become the genius. Okay. I do that with my students all the time. You know, I, I like, I, I give them these projects, like once a quarter, they have these reading projects to do, and you, I give them the due dates for those projects on the third day of school for the whole year. 

[00:26:59] So you know how to plan to get these things done, cuz you know, when the one is due in June in September. So don't come to me two days before and say, you can't do it or there's a problem. You have tos before you want tos. When you're planning all of this stuff out. I don't know if that was such a great example, but. 

[00:27:19] I think it's a good way to live your life. I still do that. I'm a graduate student for the third time now. And my have tos before I want tos. I have a project due Thursday. I have to do that before I go to the movies, you know, I mean, absolutely. It's a good way to run your life. That structure is so powerful. 

[00:27:34] And, and when you're important on, you know, the youth as a educator, it's so I love hearing that because I find a lot of teachers are getting burnt out and they're not just thinking, how can I find ways to impart a little lesson, a principle, something that these kids are not just gonna learn about math, science, English, but it's gonna help impart and help their lives and help them become the best version of themselves. 

[00:27:57] And that's why I'm an English teacher. I think that reading especially well nonfiction is, is whatever it is, but I think reading fiction and watching plays and is how we learn emotional intelligence beyond what we get from our family and friends. But writers write about life. They write about humanity. 

[00:28:17] They write about the interpersonal conflicts of every sort of relationship you could have on the. And so if we can understand what drives the characters, you know, the, the mental health issues, the what, whatever, the, the real human challenges that drive the characters to do what they want. If we can understand that we have a better shot at understanding ourselves than each other. 

[00:28:38] So that's how I approach this. I could never teach anything else, you know, that's true. Academic, you know what I mean? Um, so questions, next thing, um, bullying, let's talk about that. You've got a bunch of a bunch of talking points here about, about bullying that you faced bullying in grade school and high school, and we're still optimistic. 

[00:29:01] And you have, what are the three CS to ending bullying in schools? Yeah, I'll, I'll share the three CS, but you know, the story of, you know, bullying is that thing that I think we can actually eliminate. And it's the three CS that can get there, you know? And, but it's gonna start with inspired teachers, inspired parents, inspired administrators to say what you mentioned, social emotional, you know? 

[00:29:24] And so often I'm not seeing that being the, at the forefront. And this is why kids don't know how to interact. They don't know how to become resilient. They don't know how to handle their emotions. When they're someone says you can't have this, or I don't like your shirt, that's not bullying. You know, I think that, you know, if we can get clear clarity, the first C it's cl, who am I, what are my strengths? 

[00:29:46] What, what do I like? What do I know? Cause when we know who we are, we don't care. If you don't like my shirt, we don't care if you don't like my. I'm okay with it. Right. You know, and, and I can, and this is what I look like, go away. You know, I don't like it. Look the other direction. Absolutely. And then you get the second one, which just communication, but the communication is what is that internal dialogue that you're having with yourself every day? 

[00:30:08] Mm-hmm I'm not enough. I'm not this. I'm not that if we can change that narrative to, I am mm-hmm I am powerful. I am awesome. I am beautiful. I am smart. I am all the things that I want to create. And we say that consistently in you, and I know this, but you program how you feel, you know, I always say I'm having an amazing day. 

[00:30:28] How about yourself? Even when it's raining every day here in south Florida, right? I am having an amazing day. I create, I get great parking spots everywhere I go. because I've programmed my mind to always see that and feel that way. Right. And, and then the last one is confidence. I think that's the big one that we're lacking. 

[00:30:46] So often these teens tweens even younger. I mean, I get kids now that are like eight or nine. And they're like, oh, I'm an introvert. Or I'm this, someone labeled them. And now they don't have confidence about themselves. Right. All they need to do is we as parents, educators, people who are older, we can start to see little things. 

[00:31:04] Don't just praise the first that the home run. Don't just praise the, a find the little, oh wow. You know what? You look, you figured that out. That's amazing little Johnny, right? Oh, wow. You, you put your dish back. Great, good job. That's what we do as we're maturing. Remembering, thank you for trying, right? 

[00:31:20] Yeah. And, and if you take clarity, communication and creating that confidence, you're gonna see less kids are gonna be, oh, you know what? You know, I I'm being bullied at school because I'm too short. No, you're gonna be able to teach them how to speak up for themselves in an authentic, unique way and say, Hey, you know what? 

[00:31:38] Mercy, I'm short. I'm five, two. I have a three and a half inch difference in my right leg. I was born at the birth defect, but you know what? It doesn't change the fact that I still love sports. What do, what do you like to do? Right. And, and be able to open that conversation up with someone and be willing to tell about themselves and be vulnerable. 

[00:31:56] Right. It's it's what I don't see. And, and with bullying, you know, these kids are always it's. So like, I'm looking at my phone. I don't have a lot of likes. I don't have a lot of followers and, and it's bringing their self esteem down. Yeah. So much. And parents are on their phone and they're measuring up to someone else's eye lights. 

[00:32:15] So this is why the kids are modeling it. We can, I love the fact that now when I'm telling them it doesn't matter. And I tell my own personal story, because I had crutches, Marcy until. 12. Wow. And kids would take my crutches. They would make fun of me. And every, every door that I wanted to enter, there was something blocking me whether it was a kid, whether it was a teacher, whether it was, um, a administrator all along. 

[00:32:41] And I try to say, Hey, you know what? I know the roads you you're taking. I would love to be your mentor so I can help you navigate the minds. Go straight to where you wanna go. And here's, if you don't believe it, just borrow a little, my faith in you, because look, I'm the kid with a three and a half inch difference. 

[00:32:56] I'm the kid here. I've done this and I, and it's not to impress them, but to impress upon them that they can see someone who's done something that's just like them and that you're modeling and inspiring them at the same time. Absolutely. So this whole same three CS for bullying, uh, can be applied to kids being affected by peer pressure, negative peer pressure as well. 

[00:33:20] Um, absolutely. Cause as I was listening to you talk, I was thinking about this one student I had last year, who he had just moved the year before from an urban neighborhood in Queens somewhere. He had a bunch of friends who had ganged up and a couple of friends who had been killed and his mother went no way, this is happening. 

[00:33:39] So they moved out and they were living with the grandparents in, in the suburbs, two counties away. Um, and he kept, his mom had emailed me in the beginning of the year to say that she was concerned about him staying on the right path, but he seemed more motivated this year, et cetera, et cetera. And he came to me after a few weeks of school when he realized at that point that he could trust me. 

[00:34:00] And he said that he. Afraid of himself and afraid of the path that he had been on. And wasn't sure how to navigate this in a new place. And he didn't want to die. Like his friend had. And I, I, I hugged the kid. I didn't know what the hell else to do. You know, I spoke to his guidance counselor. I made sure that, that we were all good on the same, the same path with him to strengthen his support. 

[00:34:30] And the whole year we were all battling him, wanting to do the right thing and knowing what that was. And he kept falling off that. And being influenced by these negative, bad behavioral patterns. And what, what, what would you have said to him? Because wow. You know, I'm gonna see him next year. It's not in my class, but I'm gonna see him next year. 

[00:34:54] Like what do I do with kids like that? I'm getting chills as you were sharing that. Story, because I know that kid, I was that kid because you know, a lot of times it's hard to outrun your past because it keeps showing up. It's all, you know. Right. And it's, it's what you fell back on. When you were alone, when you were frightened, you were terrified. 

[00:35:16] And now you're in a new place. I moved from upstate New York to long island. It was like moving from, to Japan, from where I lived, you know, pretty much, you know, huge difference. And, and I had all of the same fears. So the first thing I would share with him is, you know, you gotta ask him, what are your fears? 

[00:35:34] What are you fear so much? Because when we it's really false events appearing real, right? We know that the fears are a story that we're telling ourselves, right. And if you can give, help him get clarity on his story and then distinguish between his story and. Back you're here now. They are there mm-hmm let's let's figure that out. 

[00:35:54] Where do you wanna go? Is the next question, you know, like you did great last year in my class. What, what do you wanna do? That's going to improve. One of the secrets is goal setting. And I mean, I think that goal setting is it, it changed my life when I learned goal setting, but I had to learn how to actually set goals and then achieve goals. 

[00:36:14] Cuz we all learned smart goals in school, right? Oh, that's a cool acronym, but it's not a cool acronym if we don't have action behind those goals, when we write them down, right. We don't know how to apply them with intention. Right then it's so the, the second thing I would do is teach 'em goal setting. 

[00:36:27] Cuz when we have goals, we have clarity and we have direction and we have a structure mm-hmm here are my targets. Here are my milestones. Here's my daily action. So no longer do I have the time to think about my past cuz I'm too busy living in my present. mm-hmm and that is one of the things that I know for me, it, I was the kid who basically barely got outta high school because it wasn't because of intelligence. 

[00:36:51] Yeah. I was dyslexic. I had some things that were challenging, but it wasn't about that. It was just, Hey, I didn't know. I didn't have anyone to model. There was no one who had a high. School education, a college education, a degree, a business or anything. So I didn't, I was just doing what I thought and no one was putting any pressure on me. 

[00:37:07] We have to put pressure. I, I, I love what you do. Mercy. I love educators so much because I feel like they're so underserved. I don't wanna go on that soapbox cuz I'll be, I'll go out it totally other careers possible, you know? Absolutely. And, and you change lives. Like I could tell you, one teacher believed in me and I was looking at my transcript recently and only the teachers who really advocated for me were the ones where I got a or B the teachers that were kind of Lez fare. 

[00:37:35] They just used to the kids who did really well. And the kids who didn't do well, kind of just skirted through. And because they didn't put that pressure on. I didn't have to, I didn't put any work in. Right. And it was, it was a tough road, but now I've learned how to navigate that. And I just, I love to share my mistakes so that other kids don't have to make those same mistakes that I made, or, or at least while they're making the mistake, they realize that they can learn from them. 

[00:38:01] And that are not stuck in that same pattern. They don't wait 40 years right, right, right. They wait 40 years for something else. there is something, there is always something else always. Um, so you also run a course called the five day confide. Challenge is that true? Yeah. So I have the five 18 confidence challenge, and it's basically an experience that I took and I've gone through U P w, which is unleashed a power within with Tony Robbins. 

[00:38:29] And it's always been, my goal is to take teens through this process. Um, I'm a neurolinguistic programs practitioner. So I really believe that, you know, when we think we change our thinking, we can change our life and it starts with discovery. And then I move them through this whole breakthrough path to transformation where they actually start to do different exercises over the five days, um, that will help reprogram how they see them. 

[00:38:54] And how they get to create the best versions of themselves after the five days. So is this, um, an online thing? Is it an in-person thing? Is it virtual? It's currently virtual and I run it a couple times a year and then I am also, I have it in a course. Where you can do it, self administered. Um, I found that it's a little harder to do, um, on your own when you're younger, because they're just not interested in the self growth and in, in personal, you know, enhancement, but when a parent is willing to be proactive and they want to really help their kids and, and they see a need, you know, you can teach a child. 

[00:39:28] Anything is if you just bite size chunk, Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Especially now that their attention spans are so short from all of the YouTube and social media and everything else, it's hard to keep them from isn't it it's Soma. I watched my son and I mean, he can do five things at once. Like if my wife puts on the vacuum cleaner or puts on the, the dryer during my work, I'm like, ah, please turn that off. 

[00:39:54] He's got one phone going, playing a video game, text messaging, a friend on his tablet. I'm like, wow, you guys are so skilled. yeah. They can transition between things very quickly. And, and I, I think that I can do that as long as I'm not exhausted. If I'm tired and I've deprived myself of sleep, then forget it. 

[00:40:15] I can barely focus on the one thing. Um, so I'd like to shift to. First book if we can for a minute, because I mean, although I didn't learn about this until right before we started talking, I really wanna talk about this too. So the first book that you wrote, I guess you said when you were a personal trainer and mm-hmm, trying to find your own niche, um, was called the menopause stress triangle, which you wrote under a pseudonym. 

[00:40:41] Can you tell us about this? Sure. So, um, the menopause success triangle. Oh, success. I got it wrong. Sorry. No worries. Was success triangle. I wrote it wrong. Yeah, it was. I mean, I, I did some analysis. I, I, I started personal training, um, back in 2000, um, a long time ago, 22 years to date. And I was, I wanted to know, I was like, how do I carve my own unique niche out of this big, you know, thing? 

[00:41:10] And I, I surveyed my clients and I surveyed about 40 of my clients and I realized that. They all their age ranges felt in the same age range. They all were ha I mean the same challenges. They all were having the same frustrations aspirations. And when I did this, a little bit of a, you know, analysis, I realized, oh, why, why are you working out with me? 

[00:41:29] Well, rise because you are very knowledgeable about exercise. You're not just a regular personal trainer. And I was like, oh, and then I realized that they were all having similar symptoms. You know, some of them were having hot flashes. Some of them were struggling with weight loss. Some of them were having just a, a bunch now menopause it's perimenopause first. 

[00:41:50] So, and that's, that can last up for 10 years or so depending. And it's different for every woman mm-hmm . So I did some research read about 13 to 15 books, interviewed a bunch of doctors and I learned, oh, wow. There's about 35 symptoms. These are the ones. And it affects their weight. It affects their mindset, it affects their hormones and it affects their ability to actually function at times mm-hmm 

[00:42:14] And when, as a male, it gave me a real great insight because now I had two ears and I just listened and I didn't, I didn't try to fix things and I had no way to fix. Right. And a lot of men get confused and they wanna fix things. They know they can't fix. And, uh, it allowed me to really connect with my clients and help them specifically the way their bodies, their hormones and exercise, diet, and nutrition focused on specifically on menopause. 

[00:42:45] I, I think that, uh, you know, I had a lot of personally, I had a lot of perimenopausal issues and almost everything except for cancer. Would that could go wrong with the female reproductive organs was going wrong. So three, almost exactly three years ago, I had full hysterectomy. And so immediately I was thrown into full menopause. 

[00:43:09] After that. No ovaries meant I had no estrogen and. The the way my body felt was so radically different, that I would have believed more readily that what actually happened was that I had a brain transplant into a brand new body, more than I would've believed that I had a hysterectomy. Everything has been different. 

[00:43:34] Um, and so the last three years have been really, a radical challenge. Um, but as I've been trying to see doctors, I've seen dieticians, I've seen regular internists. I saw, uh, an OB GYN, a standard regular OB GYN. I saw an OB GYN who was a, a certified menopause expert. And I didn't get anything from her that I didn't get from anybody else. 

[00:43:59] She said, she said, um, transdermal, HRT, hormone replacement therapy. And I'm like, well, I tried that. And within five days I was suicidal. Like I had every possible danger zone. Don't do this kind of danger will Robinson symptom, you know, uh, and then after that, she said, well, how about bariatric surgery? So we went straight from H R T to bariatric surgery to, I don't have anything else to tell you, like, I don't understand this, you know? 

[00:44:29] And she said that when they go through medical school, they're taught how to deal with puberty and how to deal with periods and how to deal with pregnancy and all sorts of pathological things that can happen through reproductive cycle or reproductive system. And then they're not taught anything after menopause. 

[00:44:49] So they have no idea what to do. And, uh, so I'm, I'm in, in, in a learning pattern at this point, trying to figure out what it's, it's a mystery. And even I would love to say, oh, I solved it. The only thing I solved was I figured out trends and I could give some awareness to my clients about what they were experiencing and how we could possibly. 

[00:45:15] And when I create, and it was really focused on exercise, weight loss, and just feeling better. Why am I waking up at three in the morning? Why can't I sleep? You know, all of these things and I help them detox and cleanse their bodies. And I focus more holistically. Like, let's try to get you healthy and focus on the things that we can eliminating the spicy foods, eliminating. 

[00:45:36] Some of the caffeine eliminating. Some of the alcohol was really difficult for, uh, for my clients. Right? And a lot of them, when they started to make those corrections, they saw some results. I would not everyone, because like you said yourself, sometimes they go to their doctors and they just don't have a clue because it's different. 

[00:45:53] Some women, their parents go through perimenopause or have menopause early and they follow a suit. Some like I get my wife, she's 48, right. And, you know what, she's just really getting into it. And as she asks me questions, I'm like, Hey, I'm off duty. I'm like, I'm like, this is not what too close to the subject. 

[00:46:12] Exactly. I'm like, I'm not touching that one cause I'm wrong. No matter what I say in that. Right. So, but it it's one of those things where I, when I tell people it's like, for men specifically, I love having this conversation with men because I'm like, you have to have some empathy guys because they're, it's in. 

[00:46:31] But it's scary because like my wife can wake up at 3:00 AM every night and I'm just snoring away. And then I feel horrible about it. And I'm like, and I'm like, oh, you need to get more sleep. Don't say that she would, if she could, you know? Right. It's like, I mean, there are some nights I sleep three hours the night before last I slept three and a half hours. 

[00:46:49] I woke up. I was exhausted. Couldn't sleep. Mm-hmm last this past night, I, I slept for like 14 hours and I could have kept sleeping if I didn't have a podcast to do like it, it was, it, it just goes like that. It alternates and, um, there's no rhyme or reason. I'm always warm. I'm always sweating. It's just a fact of life now. 

[00:47:11] you know? Yeah. I, I would tell, you know, my clients, you know, you have to find something that you can wear this natural, you know, that's comfortable and, and you gotta stay as cool as possible. And as a male, I just, I freeze at night I have a fan and an air conditioner blowing on us. And my husband is buried up to here with blankets and I'm like, you know, barely being okay. 

[00:47:34] And it's, it's just the way it is, you know, I'm, I'm exploring not that everyone needs to know my business, but I'm ex I've had blood work done and I'm waiting for the results, cuz I wanna make sure that my adrenal system is okay. I wanna make sure there isn't a thyroid thing going on. You know, ma are there bio identical hormone things that we can do with testosterone creams or estrogen creams or something that might help mitigate some of the symptoms? 

[00:48:00] Um, I, I just really want women to know that you're not alone. Literally half the population is going through this or will at some point. And we need to demand from the medical community that we find addressed some resources to find some answers here, cuz we've been ignored for far too long. Absolutely. 

[00:48:21] And what you said, I love that you're going on that research just cuz you're you, you like education, you like informing yourself, right? Some women are buying their opinions of others who aren't telling them the truth. This is a stigma. People who have different opinions they're talking about, but they also all, and they're talking about appetite and they're talking about exercise and I, I don't know who to believe because nobody nobody's truth in big air quotes is actually what's happening to my body. 

[00:48:49] So mm-hmm. and, and I never would've like when I, I tell when I was telling my clients, I said, you know, I don't have the answers. I have some solutions we can attempt. And at least they're natural. And I believe that you have to find I've had clients take HRTS. I've had clients that have to go find bio because you, some of the symptoms are just really affecting the quality of life at such a high level. 

[00:49:12] Right. It's not just hot. You can, we can deal with a little bit of night sweats. Right. But when it's a lot more. Feel about yourself and how you see the world and you can't get, you can't even go to work because that, that it becomes a quality of life issue. And then I'm a big believer and we have so much information out there that's no longer true. 

[00:49:31] And, and you know, oh, if I take that, I'm gonna get cancer. No, that's not true. Not everybody's gonna take something and get cancer. You just have to find out what's right for you. Speak to your doctors, get a team mm-hmm and really focus on your body and getting. right. And we're all different. So there, the, the, the solutions are idiosyncratic. 

[00:49:51] It depends on who you are, what your specific biological chem, genetic makeup is, you know, mm-hmm, like, I can't, I know my mom went through early menopause cuz she had Crohn's disease and that affected her whole internal mechanism, but she's deceased. So I can't ask her anymore questions, but uh, yeah, it's interesting. 

[00:50:12] I just, uh, it's unusual for a 30 something year old man to specialize in, you know, menopausal women and healthcare and so on. So I just, it was applaud you cuz that's awful. Thank you. I appreciate, I, I have to say that it was an amazing experience to be able to serve, um, in a different capacity and really to. 

[00:50:34] That I I'm, I believe in Kaizen constantly and always improving and learning. And it was something that when I was awesome, when I was able to help my clients, it was great that before do that again, constantly, always improving Kaizen. So constantly, always in improving. It's not an acronym. uh, I was trying to make an aromatic of it. 

[00:50:55] Acronym, like drawing it in the air in front of me. Okay. That was cool. I interrupted you. Oh no, I was saying it, it, it was just great to, to have that ability and you know, the clients who've read the book. Um, it's a workout program in there that they can follow. I give a list of different supplements that would maybe to assist them. 

[00:51:16] I talk about all 35 symptoms where if you're experiencing this, this is what you can try. Um, and really just, you have to experiment with your body, but I'm a big advocate of, you know, as a, a functional diagnostic nutritionist, getting your hormones, check, learning about your body, getting your blood work, checked consistently, getting your physicals and staying, and being an advocate for your health. 

[00:51:38] It's really important. Very, very important. And your yearly mammograms, don't forget those. absolutely. your listeners are gonna be like, what are we talking about? We're all over the map here. We're the growth mindset. And teenagers and being a better parent and motivation and, and we will throw some, you know, he healthcare and, uh, and so on for middle aged women. 

[00:52:06] but I think that's who this audience is. I know this is who I am, you know, so very cool. I, I love, I love, I'm just looking down at my notes where you said the parenting is a full contact sport. I just absolutely think that that's true. I keep coming back to that, you know, I tell, I tell parents this all the time in parent conferences. 

[00:52:24] I said it before. I'll say it again. If your kid's not mad at you, at least some of the time you're doing it wrong, you're taking the easy way out that does them a disservice and ultimately the world and you and everyone involved. So Ross, this has been wonderful. I'm very excited that about all of this. 

[00:52:43] And before we finish, I have my seven quick questions that I ask everybody. Um, there are no wrong answers. It's all about you. So, um, what six words would you use to describe yourself? Oh, what six words would I use to describe myself? Motivated, inspired, driven vision leadership. Boom that's awesome. Boom is an answer. 

[00:53:13] That's awesome. Um, what's your favorite way to spend a day? My favorite way to spend a day? Um, I'm a chill cat, so I love to sit at the beach. I can go to the beach. I live about five minutes away. Put my umbrella. And I have a cooler, some food and unlimited music, and I can sit there for hours and enjoy and think in south Florida, that's, that's, that's a feat. 

[00:53:39] Yeah, I do that here in New York, but in the fall or in the winter, you know, and I wear a coat and I bring a blanket. I can't go during the summer, God, we went, we went to go visit my daughter-in-law, my stepdaughter rather last July in, in Palm bay. And we all went to the beach and I had a asthma attack, an anxiety attack, a sweating attack. 

[00:54:02] I'm like, I, I feel like I'm baking on Mars right now. I can't be out here. I don't know how they're all relaxing. My husband's in the sun and I'm like, Freaking the hell out. Oh, it was bad. Like I'm not. No, no, but I was okay in Aruba. It was 84, no humidity. I was out all day. Most of the time it's like that, but oh my God. 

[00:54:23] It was so odd. All right. What's your favorite childhood memory question number three. Hm. Favorite childhood memory. That's a good one, Marcy. Cuz I can't say I had a it was definitely a difficult period it was a difficult period. I instantly go to sports. Um, in 11th grade I wrestled a kid from Danbury, Connecticut who was a two time state champion, and I had the opportunity to beat him. 

[00:54:55] And that was one of the, uh, proudest days of my life, because a lot of people didn't believe that I even had a shot. And when you can overcome something like that, you can go back to it any time in your life and go, you know what? I did it once I can do it again. That's awesome. Congratulations. Thank you. 

[00:55:11] That's that's wonderful. What's your favorite meal? Oh, that's easy. My wife's Italian. I love chicken par. Oh, I love chicken par too. There's one restaurant near us that has the most amazing chicken par. Oh my God. I might have to order from them today. so good. Um, and I've tried to copy it and I can make a decent one at home, but it doesn't quite make qu I would love to know what your wife does. 

[00:55:38] That makes it so good. What is one piece of advice you would like to give your younger self? Ooh. You'll appreciate this one. Okay. Read more. Yes. Read, read, read. I, I mean, I, I, I didn't read a book until I was probably 21 completely from page from start to finish because I used to skip the words cuz I couldn't pronunciate them, which lowered my comprehension. 

[00:56:03] I had to teach myself how to really dig in and learn how to read. And it. Skill, but I love books today. You were saying you could see them. I put, I hide them everywhere. Yeah. And it's something that I, I wish that I would've read more because it would've helped my vocabulary. It helped my creativity, my abil ability to express myself through someone else's words, because you get to see their story and then make it your own. 

[00:56:26] Absolutely. Absolutely. I, there are so many of my students when I get them, I teach 11th and 12th grade. So they're, you know, they're almost at the end of their public school journey. And they say that, you know, the first time they ever read a book from start to finish was in my class. And I, I, it always shocks me cuz I've been a reader since forever, you know, but at least I read it. 

[00:56:49] At least it was somehow I was responsible for motivating it. That makes me happy. Um, what is one thing you would most like to change about the. I love your questions. I, I, I, I really, one thing I'd love to change about the world. I would really love for people to just treat people like human beings and, and not, not so much about, and I, don't not, it's, it's not a race thing, color thing, background, ethnic, whatever, just treat people the way they treat you. 

[00:57:19] And then if they don't treat you. Walk away, but don't allow that, that negative person to affect how you treat anyone else. Absolutely. Absolutely. Cuz that negative attitude only says something about them. It says nothing about you. And if you get down in the mud with them, as you know, Michelle Obama said, when they go low, we go high. 

[00:57:40] You know, I love it, that's it. You know, don't just cuz somebody else is a jerk. Doesn't mean you have to be a jerk back don't don't let them throw the gauntlet in front of you and take it as a challenge. Just walk away. That's it don't let them disturb your peace. Huh? They don't another thing that, that somebody had said to me was don't allow them real estate in your brain or in your thoughts, you know? 

[00:58:02] Yes. They're not worth perseverating over, be done with it. Walk away 100%. Okay. Now the last question I added this, this season on permission to heal because you know, we spent so much time during lockdown doing nothing, but, or, or we're spending a lot of hours. Netflixing things. And binging TV. So I wanna know what TV shows or movies do you enjoy binging? 

[00:58:26] Um, so I don't watch a lot of television. Um, I'm busy, uh, like yourself. I'm actually going back to school. Um, what do you still, but I psychology. Oh, good. Me too. So, uh, but I did just binge undercover billionaire. Okay. Um, and the reason I, I love like the shark tanks and the profit, cuz you know, I have this psychology and I love business. 

[00:58:53] So you, you, I find that. So that's been the last thing I, that I really binge watch because I was able to extract a lot of lessons. I tend to only watch something that I can learn from. And I know that that sounds bad sometimes. I, I just don't wanna waste time cuz it's so. that's awesome. That's awesome. 

[00:59:13] And it speaks to another book that you read that we wrote that we didn't talk about the one hour trainer 90 day roadmap to building a successful and profitable fitness business that you love. That's a specific niche. So that will, we don't really have time to talk about it now, but that will be linked in the show notes. 

[00:59:28] So anybody can go explore it for themselves. So it'll all be there. Thank you so much for being here, Roz. This was really wonderful. Thank you so much, Marcy, for allowing me to kind of chat with you, learn about you and just kind of connect. I really think that that's what this world is all about and meeting and I look forward to continuing this relationship. 

[00:59:46] Yes. Thank you so much. Me too. Excellent.