Permission to Heal

Permission to Heal Episode #65 - A Happiness Conversation with Tia Graham

March 30, 2022 Marci Brockmann Season 2 Episode 65
Permission to Heal
Permission to Heal Episode #65 - A Happiness Conversation with Tia Graham
Show Notes Transcript

Tia Graham, Certified Chief Happiness Officer,  is the author of the brand new book - Be a Happy Leader: Stop Feeling Overwhelmed, Thrive Personally, & Achieve Killer Business Results

Tia Graham is an international speaker, author, and consultant on positive psychology. She has worked with dozens of global companies to elevate employee engagement and drive bottom-line results. Prior to founding her company, Arrive at Happy, she led teams at luxury hotels in the United States and Europe. 

With multiple certifications in neuroscience, positive psychology, and employee retention, and over 14 years of leadership experience, Tia is widely regarded by business leaders in her field.

She partners with organizations to increase retention and boost productivity & business growth - using the science of happiness.

Her new book, Be a Happy Leader, teaches her proprietary 8-step methodology on driving productivity and business growth through a culture of happiness.

Connect with Tia

LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, and check out her FREE Happiness Class.

Connect with Marci

·       Website, Patreon, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, Facebook Group.

·       Permission to Heal on YouTube.

·       Permission to Land  (memoir) - Hardcover, Paperback, eBook, audiobook 

-      Permission to Land: Personal Transformation Through Writing

Permission to Heal Bookshop - Buy books from the episodes & support independent bookstores. 

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This is where your PATREON subscription comes in. With your subscription, you get perks and swag and the meaningful contentment knowing you are helping me get PTH to the people who need it. 

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PTH 65 Tia Graham  

[00:00:00] Hello everyone. And welcome to permission to heal. I am Marci Brockman, and I. Happy that you are here, I'm using the word happy because today's guest is one of the few certified chief happiness officers in the world. Tia Graham was trained in Denmark and is a certified chief happiness officer. This title, she has just written a book called be a happy leader, stop feeling overwhelmed, thrive personally, and achieve killer business results that can be applied to businesses and families and church groups and schools, and anywhere where there's a group of people involved. 

[00:00:49] She is an international speaker, an author, a consultant on positive psychology. She's worked with dozens of global companies like Goldman Sachs, Hilton hotels, and Hewlett Packard to elevate employee engagement and drive bottom-line results. She has a company that she founded called arrive at. Where she combines neuroscience, positive psychology, and motivation, and has an eight-step method that she has created to help grow a culture of happiness in whatever human endeavor you arrive on. 

[00:01:29] She's just. Really energetic and full of zest and full of life, and really talks about happiness in, in a very tangible, useful way. Please welcome Tia Graham.

[00:00:00] MarciBrockmann: Hello, Tia. How are you today?  

[00:00:03] TiaGraham: I'm good. I'm so happy to be with you  

[00:00:06] MarciBrockmann: and happy birthday. You just told me it was your birthday. It's so exciting.  

[00:00:09] TiaGraham: Thank you. Thank you.  

[00:00:11] MarciBrockmann: How are you going to celebrate today? 

[00:00:13] TiaGraham: Well, I actually celebrated over the weekend with my husband and daughters. And we, we went skiing for a couple of days at the locals yell and it was sunny. So. That was the birthday gift.  

[00:00:23] MarciBrockmann: Lovely. Lovely. And you're your happy leader book behind you? I see.  

[00:00:28] TiaGraham: Yes, I launched tomorrow, actually. January 18th. 

[00:00:32] MarciBrockmann: Wow. Oh, so this is perfect timing for you. Perfect timing. That's awesome. That's awesome. Be a happy leader. It's a happy book cover, man.  

[00:00:43] TiaGraham: Yeah. I wanted people to feel, you know, to feel joyful when they were looking at it. That was definitely intentional.  

[00:00:49] MarciBrockmann: That's great. So tell us about your.  

[00:00:52] TiaGraham: So the book is about it's for leaders within organizations, but it's also, it could be a leader within your community, within your church, nonprofit within your family. I think, I believe we're all leaders. So the book is a tool to inspire people and to motivate people. To use the science of happiness and neuroscience research to. Design a life where they are happy, fulfilled, and content. And in it, it has my eight step methodology to be a happy leader. The first step is start with you, you know, you need, you can't do anything else without starting with you. 

[00:01:38] MarciBrockmann: Of course.  

[00:01:39] TiaGraham: And there are seven other steps. Some of them are about leading teams and leading people and some are business steps as well on how to the subtitle really is what it is. This. How did you stop feeling overwhelmed? We were talking about that earlier, how to thrive personally and achieve killer business results and woven throughout our personal stories of both work and personal trials and tribulations. So people feel connected and, and also get to know me as part of this story.  

[00:02:11] MarciBrockmann: So do you reveal personal stories or are they anecdotes or narratives of others?  

[00:02:16] TiaGraham: So there's some stories about other people. And then I also included different stories from my life too. And, and how I came to have this company called arrive at happy. And I'd led teams in the hotel industry for 14 years before becoming an entrepreneur. So there's some business leadership stories but it's it, you know, so much of the book is. Happiness. And so I wanted people to feel connected to my continual journey for, for happiness and then lifting others up as well. 

[00:02:48] MarciBrockmann: That's great. I mean, I think happiness is such a word that it happy and happiness are words that we have been batting around since we were in diapers. How would you actually define how.  

[00:03:00] TiaGraham: Yeah. Yes. And there's so many myths and misconceptions around happy and happiness also. So for me, happiness is a commitment to joy and having meaning and purpose in your life. And it's also accepting the peaks and valleys of life. The, you know, the, the highs as. The struggles and the challenges. And I, you know, I always say a happy life is not one void of pain. Everyone has painful emotions and goes through challenges. So that's what happiness is to me.  

[00:03:35] MarciBrockmann: It makes a lot of sense. I'm a public high school English teacher and I since really for the last few years, but especially since the whole pandemic started, I am. Approaching the literature that I teach from a mental health standpoint, and we're taking a look at what, not only what characters did within the sequence of a conflict and a plot, but why they did the things that they did. You know, the, the sh she may be the antagonist of the story, but what motivated her to do that? And so in tandem to that, I've been showing. A lot of Ted talks about happiness and meaning and gratitude. And while I was reading your bio and doing research on you, it reminded me of two Ted talks. One was by Emily Esfahani Smith, who does a whole thing about meaning. And she says that me. Life purpose and the giving and receiving of generosity is what makes happiness. And so rather than focusing, just on happiness as the goal, by bringing meaningful experiences and seeking meaningful experiences and community, and being generous with others and allowing them to be generous with us is what creates the happiness. 

[00:04:55] TiaGraham: Right. Right.  

[00:04:55] MarciBrockmann: Which is very in tandem with the things that you say that.  

[00:05:00] TiaGraham: I, and I completely agree with, with everything you just said. Absolutely.  

[00:05:04] MarciBrockmann: And David Stendhal raft it's talks about gratitude. It's the secret of happiness and that fits in like a puzzle piece as well.  

[00:05:13] TiaGraham: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, sometimes I get asked, you know, what's the trick or what's the quick, and I say, no, there is no trick through this clinic. This is this, you know, holistic and a holistic approach. And there are so many. Pieces to it, right. Just like taking care of our physical immune system. We've all been in this challenging few years. We're just talking about, it's not, you can't just do one thing and be healthy. There's so many, so many pieces similar. 

[00:05:40] MarciBrockmann: It's a marathon, not a sprint exactly.  

[00:05:43] TiaGraham: For our psychology and our emotional wellbeing. And, and gratitude is a peace, absolutely giving and compassion and, you know, intellectual wellbeing where you're learning and growing there, all these different, all these different parts of the puzzle and yeah, it's a lifelong marathon. 

[00:05:59] MarciBrockmann: Yeah. I remember after my divorce in 2007, I stood in my, I had to move. We sold the marital residence and I stood in my new house. The kids had gone. It was the first weekend that we were sharing custody. So they had gone to their dads. They were very little at the time. And I stood in my new living room with tears in my eyes. And I'm like, now, what the fuck do we. Yeah, of course I have my life except for the motherhood piece. And I had a very stable career, which I'm still teaching in the same school. So I had two really big things nailed down that I was good at that I loved that. Brought me a lot of meaning and joy and happiness, but there's more to life than working and being a mom, like where was the Marci piece coming from? I cried for hours and I walked around the bedroom smelling there, things that was like a really pathetic, disgusting mess,  

[00:06:55] TiaGraham: totally normal human beings, normal human being. Yeah. But then the same thing.  

[00:06:59] MarciBrockmann: Oh, it's just after, but, but it wasn't a disaster, you know? Cause I had to, I realized at some point. 

[00:07:08] MarciBrockmann: That my life was a clean slate and that in starting over, it was totally up to me. And only up to me as to how I was going to design or create this life, that would bring me the things that I was craving.  

[00:07:28] TiaGraham: Yes. Yeah. And, and  

[00:07:33] MarciBrockmann: it took. I have to say a good decade to figure out exactly where I was going and it isn't. There is no destination.  

[00:07:50] TiaGraham: Yeah.  

[00:07:51] MarciBrockmann: You know, there, it's not like, okay, I have a life I want, I'm done. I'm going to wish. And, and, and there probably are plenty of people who get to a point where they're like, okay, the kids are good. The job's good. The house is good. My marriage is good. You know, I have some sort of other group I'm done. I'm just going to skate through this is, this is it. This is where my happiness is and hats off to those people. But I've, I'm a wanderer. I'm a seeker. There's always something else. The goal post keeps moving for me.  

[00:08:18] TiaGraham: But you're exactly right. And I talk about this in the book, be a happy leader that when you recognize and connect with. The journey is the destination. You know, we are sort of programmed to think, oh, get here, do this, have this, achieve this and external validation so forth. But you know, I talk about this a lot of time. I say 99.99% of life is the Monday mornings is Thursday night is, you know, that's so, so when you can connect with helping others and giving and generosity and having meaning and purpose and taking care of your physical body and all of these different parts that your life circumstances are going to change. But you can use, you can have this internal compass that, that helps you, you know?  

[00:09:11] MarciBrockmann: Yeah. Yeah. And how do you, how would you suggest to somebody that they get in touch with that internal compass? You know, if they haven't been. In tune to listening inward. And they're just trying to figure this out. What's your strategy? What works for you to tune into.  

[00:09:32] TiaGraham: Yes. So I actually talk about this in a book and thank you for asking. So what I say to people who ask me that question is to, you know, close your eyes in and get quiet and connect to a time in your life when you felt really happy. And this is of course personal. For some people, they might have to go all the way back to early childhood. Some people, you know, it might be different, different, different stage, but to, to connect to that one, to know that you can be there and maybe there's some people that have say, you know, never, it never was right. But I would say even it could be a week enough. It doesn't have to be like a three-year period. So connect to a time where you felt connected. And aligned and then to get very clear on how you want to feel, you know, a lot of times we focus on what do you want to do? Who do you want to be?  

[00:10:31] MarciBrockmann: Right.  

[00:10:32] TiaGraham: So I'm a big fan of Danielle LaPorte and her work of just, how do you want to feel? And so then understanding, you know, for some people. They might say, I want to feel calm and I want to feel serenity. Someone might be like, I want to be proud and excited. I want it depends on what's going on in your life. Right.  

[00:10:51] MarciBrockmann: Right.  

[00:10:52] TiaGraham: And then to use my, my advice is to use the science of happiness. So this is positive psychology research coming from Harvard and Yale and Stanford and Berkeley. Because it's not there. Isn't the question of what makes us happy. We know there is so much research on what makes it, so my advice is to grab some books, watch PA Ted talks, listen to podcasts that are, that are research and scientists that know how to increase happiness and you know how you want to feel, then go learn the proven tools and start applying those. To connect to your compass. So, and like you said, if it's someone that's not sure, I think that's a great place to start because you don't have to figure it out on your own. There's already, already a proven path.  

[00:11:43] MarciBrockmann: Right. And, and to take that research, you know, that we know that humans are community driven creatures, that we all, we can't survive independently completely that, so, so how that. To apply all of those tools to an individual life. It's completely a hundred percent utterly up to that individual. So what makes me happy and brings that brings me meaning and community and love and belonging might be very different than, than what brings you. Those things are what brings someone else, those things. And. I think that while they're getting quiet, as he say, and listening inward and trying to figure out their feelings, I think the question really is, is what creates or what they think will create those feelings within themselves. And then I think so that, I think that's the next piece that you're talking about is then creating the what from how. 

[00:12:45] TiaGraham: Yes. Yes. So the first, yes, exactly. So the first is connecting to self and I will say you do not need to do this alone. Right? So people like, in my case, when I was going through a huge transition, I was super unhappy. After returning to work after the birth of my second daughter, I hired a life coach. 

[00:13:05] TiaGraham: Transformative experience. Yeah. Some people might hire a therapist, some could use friends and family. You don't need to go at it alone. And if you are in a low place, you know, the research shows you do need to be talking to someone and you do need to also be journaling. Right. So that's yeah, that's, that's the other step. 

[00:13:21] TiaGraham: So the first is choose that you want to work on your own happiness and work on yourself and then yes, it's based on your life circumstances. Everyone's walk is going to be different, but I will say, and there are universal truths for human beings for happiness. So for example, the number one predictor of human happiness is human connection. 

[00:13:46] MarciBrockmann: Yes. 

[00:13:46] TiaGraham: And that means spending time with people you care about new care about you. So right there, that would be a place to sort of, how could I increase my human connection? The other one is, you know, your body, if you are unhappy and you're not sleeping, you're not eating healthy food. You're not meditating. You're not exercising. It's going to be very difficult to feel well in your mind because of the mind body connection, you know?  

[00:14:08] MarciBrockmann: So that's a piece I was missing for a very long time. Yeah.  

[00:14:11] TiaGraham: No one and busy life with working with kids. It's, you know,  

[00:14:16] MarciBrockmann: Yeah, he's a working mom. I didn't have myself on my list of priorities for a very long time. 

[00:14:21] TiaGraham: And most, most working moms. Don't right. Like, you know,  

[00:14:25] MarciBrockmann: you're yeah. By the time I get to myself, it's 11 o'clock at night, I get up at 5:00 AM. So dead, you know, like, great. I get five minutes. What am I going to do with that? Yeah. Yeah. That's nuts. Yeah. I saw. In the, in the decade that I was single between marriages and I was dating like a mad woman. I saw, I knew that that ma part of my happiness equation was a committed relationship. I was looking for another husband, but you know, somebody who. Was a better fit. And I was dating for a couple of years and really miserable about it. You know, like gas lighting, sons of bitches out there, you know, it was just like terrible one after the other. 

[00:15:14] MarciBrockmann: It was, it was disaster. It was an energy drain. It was exhausting. And I remember sitting across the table at a fancy restaurant with some guy, I can't even tell you who, I don't even remember who he was. And I had this epiphany. That I didn't lie. Who I was, I didn't like the way I felt, this is the connection where we got to, how I got to this tangent. 

[00:15:41] MarciBrockmann: I didn't like how I felt sitting across the table from this man. And although it was not a match because I obviously don't know who he is. It was a very pivotal moment because it was the first time. And I was in my mid forties and it was the first time that I actually. Realized that it was more important for me to like myself and to like the way I felt. 

[00:16:09] MarciBrockmann: In that moment with that other person, then it was whether they liked me at all. Whether I even liked them, it didn't, none of that mattered. What mattered is how I felt here and how authentic I felt comfortable or vulnerable. I felt comfortable being, and I've sort of, I've used that same lesson. Apifany I've then applied to every other part of my life. 

[00:16:37] MarciBrockmann: Does this make me feel happy? That's the compass right too. I feel joy doing this too. I feel like it brings my life. Meaning when I do this, do I like who I am? Do I respect who I am? Am I hiding? Anything that's really about my true self because I'm afraid or too to be too vulnerable. And if I ask all of these questions and the answer is no to any of them, I don't do the thing. 

[00:17:03] MarciBrockmann: Whatever it is, date the guy, take the job, do the gig, whatever. Oh my gosh, what you said is so valuable and this, this is a lifelong journey to. You know, I, I remember learning that from like, cause I studied with the happiness professor, Dr. who taught at Harvard university. And he said, every relationship you have stems with the relationship you have with yourself. 

[00:17:28] MarciBrockmann: Right. Which of course. Yeah. And I would say, and as a, as a parent, I continuously learn that in order to be the best parent I can be, I need to continually. Fall more in love with myself. Give myself more love, compassion, you know, grace and care that, that whenever there's challenging, whenever there's challenges in relationships, it's really an indicator and a sign of. 

[00:18:01] MarciBrockmann: You know, and look inward, right? Look inward because it's, it's sort of a mirror of what's, you know, what's going on out there. It's kind of a mirror of what's going on in here. Right? You can't be relentlessly compassionate and nonjudgmental with your children. If you can't be that way with yourself. Yeah. 

[00:18:20] MarciBrockmann: You're not teaching them how to be that way for themselves, if they're looking at you and you're not doing it right. Exactly. Yes. Yeah. And the, the emotion piece of that, when you were saying of just like, you know, how you were feeling. This reframe. I always always talk about this. Reframe is never say in negative emotions, because just by saying negative emotions or negative feelings, you think that they're bad or they're bad for you. 

[00:18:50] MarciBrockmann: And this reframe of they're difficult or they're painful, you know, and, and they're, they're. Really all the emotions are it's information, right? If your, your feelings are talking to you, they're telling you something something's going on. If you're full of anger or something's going on, if you're full of guilt or, or, you know, discomfort, whatever it is. 

[00:19:11] MarciBrockmann: And in, instead of turning away to actually turn in and, and it that's the tricky part, but then get silent and then, and, you know, sit with those two and, and understand what's going on. Well, I understand the lean in thing. I understand turning toward it, but what do you mean by reframing the language? 

[00:19:29] MarciBrockmann: Like you shouldn't say I'm angry at something. No. So you shouldn't use the term. This is my opinion. My opinion is what we're here to here. Yeah. Is he shouldn't say, um, you shouldn't ever call them negative emotions. A lot of times people will call them positive emotions and negative emotions. Emotions, joy would be positive. 

[00:19:50] MarciBrockmann: Fear. Stress would be negative. It's like no stress. Isn't negative might be painful. Might be challenging. But just by calling it, I see what you're saying. So you can say name the emotions themselves, but not to categorize them. No, you positive that you can categorize them, but don't call them. Don't say they're negative. 

[00:20:10] MarciBrockmann: You might call it. You could categorize them as painful. Oh, whoa. Okay. Now I'm clear now I'm clear. Okay. Now I understand. Yeah, because a happiness trap is. We feel bad about having painful emotions. So someone might be having a lot of anxiety and then they feel bad about themselves that they're having anxiety as opposed to theirs, you know, you're a human and there's things going on and you're feeling like. 

[00:20:41] MarciBrockmann: And, and feeling anxious in certain situations is the appropriate response. Exactly. Because your needs, you're awake and you're paying attention. Exactly. And, and what's making you anxious. Yeah. But we, we feel like we're doing something wrong for having them well, there's so much, there's so much that. We we grow up, we absorb in the ether about how things are quote unquote, supposed to be. 

[00:21:09] MarciBrockmann: And then, and then attach so much shame and self judgment to our perceived, lack of achieving that. And rather than focusing on the thing that we want, we're too busy focusing on the shame that we didn't get it or that we don't have it. Just serious levels of bullshit just for that. Yeah. And a lot of us didn't grow up. 

[00:21:33] MarciBrockmann: I mean, I didn't, my family did not talk about things like you and I are talking about right now. We were not talking about emotional wellbeing, you know? No, no. I was just thinking about survival. My mom was an undiagnosed self medicated, bipolar, and who she wound up being an opiate drug addict later in her life. 

[00:21:53] MarciBrockmann: And so my, my whole. Modus operandi was get out alive, you know, right. Try to mitigate. I felt responsible for her feelings and as an only child, very imp empathic, I would feel which emotional contagion. Absolutely. And it wasn't my job and it wasn't my responsibility, but it took me a very long time. 

[00:22:18] MarciBrockmann: Figure out how to undo all that had been done. And, and I'm still working on it with alcoholism and the family. Absolutely. I'm like still working on it. Yeah. Yeah. And, and it's most days I'm good. Most days I'm better than I've ever been. And then there are some, you know, I don't really like the word trigger bothers me, but it's true that there are some little buttoning, some things that happen. 

[00:22:44] MarciBrockmann: Bring me right back. And I not like fully enmeshed in that past feeling, but I remember it. And in some way it helps me realize how far I've come. So rather than looking at those triggers as negatives, I look at them as, you know, like growth charts. Right, right. That's it. Yeah. That's a good way to a good way to look. 

[00:23:10] MarciBrockmann: You know, it's a better way of looking at this. Well, Hey, you know, positivity and optimism. It's it takes so much work and it's about focus, you know? So like you said, when you're looking at your past, you could look at all the, but then you just, you just looked at the positive you're like, and how far I've come. 

[00:23:31] MarciBrockmann: Right. You're you that's that's that's a fo focusing on it. Yeah. Yeah. Which some days are easier than other, right. Focusing on the positives. Oh my God. Oh my God. Somewhere. I don't know whether it was. I don't know where I heard it or read it. But you said something that I would like to ask about. You said that friendships at work are very important. 

[00:23:57] MarciBrockmann: Can you explain that? So this is from my own personal experience, working in companies for, for many years. And now I work with companies as well as the research for happiness at work. So I'm a certified chief happiness officer for happiness, by the way. Thank you. It's a good title. It's a good title. Thank you. 

[00:24:20] MarciBrockmann: And so is that actually a thing? Oh, I actually, I went to Denmark and got certified. Yeah, there's about maybe 150 of us around the world. It fits growing. Denmark's the place where oh, Denmark is super happy. Finland, Norway, Scandinavia. Yeah. They come out the top in the world. Happiness report every year. 

[00:24:40] MarciBrockmann: Yeah. So friendship at work and, and this is also supported by Gallup's research that shows that when people in an organization, when people in a team. Feel authentically feel like they have friends at work or even a friend at work they're going to be more productive, more motivated, more engaged, more connected. 

[00:25:02] MarciBrockmann: You'll have less turnover. You'll have less conflict within the teams and so on. So there's all these, all these benefits, but you know, there's all the research side, but for me, I led sales and marketing teams in hotels. You know, we would work really hard. We would be together a lot. Yeah, exactly. Like you're in this hotel trying to fill this hotel with business and, you know, in meetings doing, doing different things together, that the friendships are what made the work more fun, you know? 

[00:25:37] MarciBrockmann: I don't know, part of me is like, it's just the right thing to do. You got a group of humans together. You don't want everyone individual. And of course it's not about extra extroverted, introverted people. The friendships can, can, you know, be the NSA you know, work, work for individuals. But There's research that supports that helps the company, even in terms of, you know, direct connection to how profitable a company is. 

[00:25:59] MarciBrockmann: Right. It also, yeah, just, just makes work more, more fun and enjoyable. I th I feel deeply what you're saying is very true. I worked for a bunch of companies and before I became a teacher and I really want. Friends with anyone I worked with. I mean, I was sort of friendly enough to work with them, but and I, I wasn't happy in any of those jobs. 

[00:26:26] MarciBrockmann: I mean, I didn't like what I was doing either, so, but it went hand in hand, but I find that my teacher friends in my department and in my school building are immeasurably helpful in. Mitigating the stress of being in a classroom, especially during the pandemic. And it's really brought us all together, much more closely. 

[00:26:49] MarciBrockmann: It's sort of unified or knitted, more closely our friendships and the support that we give one another as. You know, sometimes just venting or giving each other creative ideas or just, you know, chatting about, about life and whatever. And it's, for the first time, in a long time, a bunch of us have gotten together outside of school to just hang out and it really cements. 

[00:27:14] MarciBrockmann: Close to us and the friendship. Yeah. And it directly connects to resilience at work. Know when you have friends, just like, you know, a family member, when they, when a storm comes here, it's easier to, to go through the storm together then than alone. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So I was. Even now it depends on the team. 

[00:27:36] MarciBrockmann: Obviously this, this was pre pandemic, but I used to have, you know, my team maybe was 20 people or so in Los Angeles, my last leadership job. And I would have them over to my apartment. I had a terrace and we would, you know, barbecue hangout, not every single week by any means. Right. No, not talk about work, but just get to know each other. 

[00:27:54] MarciBrockmann: And you know, I talk about this in the book. I say, of course work isn't, you know, it's not your family, it's never going to replace your family, but ideally as a leader, you want people to stay. You don't want them to leave every six months, which everyone's talking about the great resignation. And so yeah, foster those friendships and you know, there's different ways you can do it without spending lots of money to sure. 

[00:28:16] MarciBrockmann: Justin November, a couple of teachers. And I went to a winery that we had a coupon for and had a nice little lunch and it was pretty cheap and really pretty and very nice. And it was an hour and a half, but we had really good time. Yeah, it was, it was excellent. Excellent. So know. I said, I'm see I'm using my questions and I don't normally, but I did really well this time. 

[00:28:40] MarciBrockmann: You had said that humanity desperately needs more kindness and humanity, and I would love you to talk about that a little bit. Like how do you think that we create this for ourselves and our families and our communities and why is it so important? So, I don't know. Have you watched the documentary? 

[00:29:03] MarciBrockmann: The social dilemma? Yes. Okay. So chills, first thing, first thing that's coming to mind. So unfortunately and I have a love, hate relationship with social media because I also love the connection and friends and family all over and all of that. I'm not saying don't use it at all. It's also could be a great marketing tool, but. 

[00:29:24] MarciBrockmann: It has created more divisiveness and there is this rise of how people communicate with each other with a lack of kindness, you know? And so I believe that. I really, really believe that humanity needs the, the tools and the support, right? Every single person on how to take care of themselves well, so that they can take care of their family, their friends, their neighbors, their community. 

[00:29:54] MarciBrockmann: And then, you know, whether it's spread out to your country where you live and, and so on. And we need this example for our kids so much, we need this example for our kids and. You can't, you can't be expected to do it to others if you don't start taking care of yourself. And so I want to inspire people to always prioritize themselves. 

[00:30:17] MarciBrockmann: Take care of themselves holistically so that then they can be kind and generous to other. And there's so much research that shows that happier people are more kind and more generous, whether it's to people, whether it's to animals, whether it's to the earth, we need all three more than ever right now. 

[00:30:36] MarciBrockmann: Absolutely. And so that is, is part of my gosh, part of my calling. Message. With, with this book and the work that I do. So the book comes out tomorrow, you said yes. And we can buy it anywhere. We'd buy books online. Yeah. You can buy anywhere online. Yes, exactly. Amazon Barnes and Nobles. If you'd like to support local bookstores is on Bookshare. 

[00:30:59] MarciBrockmann: Dot org. And there's paperback ebook. And I also recorded the audio book too. So I know a lot of people like to like, that's fun. I recorded the audio book for mine too. It was a lot of work, but fun. I enjoyed that process a whole new way of experiencing, I thought even as the author, it felt new. Yeah, absolutely. 

[00:31:19] MarciBrockmann: And, and it really was the precursor. Or the, the, the stepping stone to creating the podcast, because not only because it caused me to have to buy the equipment, you know, and then, and to learn how to manage the audio files and garage band and so on. And, and so when I had this epiphany, w I had this. Who was an adjunct professor at a local college pop in to do a talk in my class virtually. 

[00:31:49] MarciBrockmann: And he was talking about the, the art of the podcast. Chuck Garcia was just a few episodes ago and I just interviewed him this season two, like two weeks ago. And, uh, and he was the impetus, you know, I I'm fully in fully believe that the universe brought him and his. Presentation for me because my students couldn't have been less interested. 

[00:32:13] MarciBrockmann: I thought they would eat it up, but they were not interested at all. And I was like, whoa, Tiffany, like lightening in my brain. I know how to do all of these things. I have all of these pieces. So yeah, the audio book was, was really pivotal, pivotal. That's that's. Yeah, that's great. So, yeah, so yeah, it comes out and then also I have three bonuses that come with it. 

[00:32:37] MarciBrockmann: So for everyone listening, I created a, a workbook and a mini course it's an hour course, you know, nine like five minute videos or so, and then there's also a resource kit with books that I love and Ted talks that I love that go with it. So when people buy the book, think of. Happy leader, and then grab all three bonuses. 

[00:32:58] MarciBrockmann: Oh, that's very cool. So I will put all of that in the show notes. I'm going to write that down. Leave myself a note. Happy leader book. So, if you're not driving while you're listening to this podcast, you can scroll down and all the links to the book and the happy leader, and all of her socials will all be in the show notes. 

[00:33:19] MarciBrockmann: If you're driving, please wait until you pull over. Yeah. Please don't text her right to yourself right now. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's nuts. You, you talk about a broad perspective. Can you explain what that. Yeah. And why and what, what, you're, what you're trying to explain to us. Yes. Yes. So one of my steps in the eighth step methodology is about, is really about zooming out and in the book, I talk a lot about this perspective in an organization while you're working, but this can absolutely be applied to life in general, whether family or, or other pieces. 

[00:33:57] MarciBrockmann: So what this is is about. Understanding that what you see and what you experienced is not reality. It's only your tiny slice of reality, right? Who know only perception of the tiny bot or higher power, whatever you want to say. There might be someone out there that could see everything. It's not you. It's not me. 

[00:34:19] MarciBrockmann: We just, based on our experiences, you know, based on everything, that's what we see. To be successful as a leader, within an organization. I challenge it and teach people to zoom out and look at the organization as a whole holistically. You know, so maybe for me, I was a lead sales and marketing in the hotel. 

[00:34:41] MarciBrockmann: Right. But I walked in each day. Acting and thinking as if, imagine if I owned this hotel, I never did. Right. That's a way wealthier people than me, but to have the perspective and then that way. You can see organization from the perspective of your boss or your peers of all of these different. And so it really truly helps all the components as a larger faculty. 

[00:35:08] MarciBrockmann: Exactly. And it helps cement stronger relationships with your peers and colleagues, because you're not just like, well, this is what, you know, this is my department, or this is what I see. , and two Consistently be, be checking in with yourself also, on what way am I viewing this? What if I stopped, paused and stepped back? 

[00:35:29] MarciBrockmann: How would that help? And so in that, in that step in the book, I give people a practical ways on exactly how to do this and how I did. It sounds very helpful. Yeah. In achieving. Understanding and, and relational. Happiness. Yes. Yes. And I also talk about this mindset of having conscious curiosity, and this is huge. 

[00:36:02] MarciBrockmann: Yeah. But when we approach work life and this case, right. When you approach work with. With conscious curiosity that, you know, your ego gets aside, your it's not about right or wrong, or who gets the accolades, you know, and especially when there's disagreements, when there's different perspectives in work that instead of, you know, starting out with like, no, we shouldn't do that. 

[00:36:24] MarciBrockmann: That's not a good idea as if looking at it and saying to, to the colleague or gender person, Tell me more about that. How come you're so passionate about that project, even when your mind's going dumbest idea ever, right? This conscious curiosity of I'm going to be curious about everything and I'm not going to shut things down before I'm open. 

[00:36:46] MarciBrockmann: Makes sense. Makes sense. I see that happen a lot in various organizations where there are some people. Who just for whatever reason are very negative about everything new and every change and immediately shut down. And they're like, that's just bullshit. That's stupid. I don't understand why we have to do it that way. 

[00:37:08] MarciBrockmann: W the way we were doing it as spine, right. Whether or not, the new idea is better or worse. It doesn't matter because they're not open to it. And it just breeds more negativity and dark energy in the room. I don't know how to describe that any other way, but yeah, no, it's dark energy and you make me think of Carol Dweck's work. 

[00:37:29] MarciBrockmann: She hasn't been using in pockets about growth rates yet. You know, what if, what if as opposed to, as opposed to being closed? Yeah. And just that switch also connects to friendships. Yeah, no, because if you're open to other people, you're going to, the Boomerang's going to come right back and people will be open to you. 

[00:37:48] MarciBrockmann: So yeah. What if changed my life? Yeah, there there's a scene in the movie. I don't know if you've seen it. Letters to Juliet probably 10, 15 years ago. And it was. I can't even think of any of the cast numbers of the Lord can see it and see them all in my, see all their faces. Amanda Seifried and, and I don't know. 

[00:38:09] MarciBrockmann: Anyway, there was one scene though, where it's like climactic moment where she's like reading the letter to Juliette long story. I'm not going to tell you the whole premise, but the idea is basically to not put yourself in a situation where you're saying, what if with regret. You know, what, what if I had done that and I didn't do it, and now I'm stuck without ever knowing and it, between Carol Dweck's work and reading and seeing that movie for me, the, what if has always been well? 

[00:38:44] MarciBrockmann: What if I like that? Not what if it, I crash and burn because who gives a shit? I can rise from the ashes and I'm fine. You know, I've picked myself up from the dirt a thousand times and I will do it a thousand more times. But what if like, let's start a podcast? What if it's really great? You know, what if I meet amazing people like Tia Graham and I get to talk to them about really cool things. 

[00:39:07] MarciBrockmann: What if, what if you know, so that I'm not, I don't get to some point later in my life and say, gee, you know, what, if I had done that, what did that have been cool? You know, What would I have learned? You know, I didn't want to ever say what if, as a regret, I wanted to say what if, as like a rainbow, you know? 

[00:39:25] MarciBrockmann: Yeah. Yeah. That's a big motivator of mine. Actually. I think about that a lot of being in my eighties and I don't want to live with regret and be like, oh, I should have done it that way. Or I should've spent more time or I should have, you know? Yeah. That's a. Because it goes by quick. I, you feel, I feel it life goes by quick, so fast, so fast. 

[00:39:48] MarciBrockmann: I remember early on when my kids were very little, I was a new mom and, and someone, I have no idea who said at the end of the night, when you're tucking your babies into bed, would you regret not having spent play time and reading time and one-on-one time with them? Or would you regret. Not having a sink full of clean or not having an empty sink or not having it full of dirty dishes, like which, which, you know, and it was like crystal clear. 

[00:40:19] MarciBrockmann: Like we drive ourselves to get all of the chores done before. I mean, I'm always a high kind of person, but yeah. At that point, I gave myself permission to have dirty dishes in my sink for days. If that's the way I may not with bugs or whatever, but you know, like to just leave the dirty dishes there, if it meant that I had more meaningful playtime, positive time interacting with my kids, that to me was the win-win win. 

[00:40:47] MarciBrockmann: Gives a crap about dirty dishes, five minutes after you clean the sink, there's more dirty dishes in it. It's a never ending thing. So. No. I had exact same yesterday, cause I have such a busy week and I have this huge do last. And I was like, oh, I should, I should probably do three hours of work on Sunday. 

[00:41:02] MarciBrockmann: And then I was like, no, you know what? I'm going to play with my kids all day. We were skiing. And then we played board games and we went in that, you know, and I was like, no, I'm just going to figure it out on Monday. And I'm going to, you know, so much better you you're way better use of the Sunday. Right? 

[00:41:19] MarciBrockmann: Exactly. Exactly. And you want to miss out on a ton of really amazing, tiny little slivers of moments of Amman. That meant a huge amount to you and your daughters. Exactly. Exactly. So, yeah. Well, I'm glad you started this podcast. Yes, me too. Me too. Okay. So let's get to the seven quick questions. What six words would you use to describe yourself? 

[00:41:43] MarciBrockmann: Woo. I'm going to say whatever comes off the top of you, whatever comes out to describe myself, energetic, hopeful, zest. Ooh, good one. Ambitious, connected and fun. Great, great list. What is your favorite way to spend. Ooh, I'm outside with my husband and my daughters and doing some kind of activity, whether it's skiing or swimming or hiking, but outside doing an activity with them verb. 

[00:42:20] MarciBrockmann: Okay. So, so that was yesterday when you went skiing exactly. Yesterday. Awesome. Awesome. What is your favorite childhood memory? Whew. Good one. So my field childhood memory, it's not an exact day, but what comes to mind is my grandparents had the summer house on a lake in hearing Canada. And I remember just being with all of my cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents, and, you know, playing in the sand in the water and just this, this summer. 

[00:42:55] MarciBrockmann: On her vibe. Yeah. Of like family and hanging out at the house, hanging out at the lake. That's awesome. That's awesome. What's your favorite meal? Ooh, I would say Greek, like Greek salad, you know. Good, great chicken has Zika. People love it. I love Greek food. That's awesome. It's so good. So good. Yeah. So good. 

[00:43:19] MarciBrockmann: My, my. Stepmother on the fly using the internet, figured out how to make Siki sauce at home and are so good. Holy shit. It's delicious. Yeah. Okay. What one piece of advice would you like to give your younger self 

[00:43:34] MarciBrockmann: do not, do not care about other people think. I think as a younger person and, you know, you care a lot about peers and this, and even boys and men of like what, like who cares what they think. I, yeah, that's what I would say. I think too many of us think that. We have to control or that we have any control over what other people think of us given too much power. 

[00:44:07] MarciBrockmann: And, and we don't have any control over what other people think of us. And, and it's none of our business, what other people think of us. And the only thing that matters is what we think of ourselves done. Yup. All right. What is one thing you would most like to change about the world? I would like to change how much we're hurting. 

[00:44:27] MarciBrockmann: The earth, how much we're hurting mother nature. Yeah. Yeah. Too many people think, oh, you know, it doesn't matter what I do. Someone else will pick up the slack and too many people say that there's no, there's no one doing it. Yeah. No. And like, I, from a, from a government huge corporation standpoint, that's like, yeah, I would love, I would love to see huge changes where, you know, we're caring about long-term. 

[00:44:54] MarciBrockmann: Yeah, there is no planet B yet. Right? Right. I don't want to live on Mars. I don't think my kids do no. No, no. There's no atmosphere anyway. Yeah. Terrible joke. Not even funny. All right. Last question. What TV shows are you binging right now? Ooh, so my husband and I were watching Yellowstone, which is which yeah, that one. 

[00:45:13] MarciBrockmann: And, um, honestly, we've been watching a lot of Netflix, standup comedians, and just having, you know, laughing for 60. So it's not really bingeing, but I was, you know, we picked different comedians and watch it. Oh. And we're watching some old episodes of the office too, which are pretty funny. Oh, nice. Nice. The kids always loved the office. 

[00:45:34] MarciBrockmann: Yeah, that's cool. Yeah. Yellowstone. I just wrote that down. I'll take a look. We're always looking for something new. That's wonderful. Well, thank you so much, Tia. This has been really great. Thank you. I'm so happy for you. Happy birthday. I'm so happy about your book, the coincidence of that, the confluence of that with your birthday. 

[00:45:52] MarciBrockmann: Just such good energy for me. I think that's right. And so everything is well, all the links to find Tia and her book, happy leader,, be a happy leader. We'll all be in the show notes. So please scroll down all of her socials. And this has been such a great episode. Thank you for, I feel like we get a few more hours. 

[00:46:11] MarciBrockmann: Let's do it again. Absolutely. Absolutely. I would love that. That'd be great. Thank you for having me. My pleasure. Thank you for being here.